Here’s an idea that has been brewing since the whole #MoscowMitch hashtag thing went trending: the Moscow Mitch mule cocktail! Don’t tell me I’m the only one who thought of it. Surely someone else out there did too. If you did, tell me your version in the comments!

Unfortunately, I have to over do everything. It can’t just be snarky, it has to be sarcasticky, too. It can’t just be snarky and sarcasticky, it has to be profaney, too. So, like everything else, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted a parody or a real drink, so, like everything else, I went for both.

Here’s what I’m imagining, though. We get calling parties started. Invite friends, family, and neighbors over for some canapes and drinks to call #MassacreMitch and YOUR senators to tell them to do more than discuss some gun legislation. You want them to PASS the House bills and then some! Call because it works.

You can also write emails, editorials, tweet videos, upload memes, and other fun ways to communicate with your elected officials.

See if you can determine which one is the parody and which one is the actual #MoscowMitchMule!

#MoscowMitchMule #1

Here’s a fun drink to enjoy over the Congressional recess and throughout the impeachment period: the Moscow Mitch Mule! It’s easy to make and only slightly difficult to get down and almost fucking impossible to keep down!

Ingredients

• 2 oz. or 60 ml of vodka
• 1/2 oz. or 15 ml of freshly squeezed lime juice — better if you can draw a caricature of #MoscowMitch’s face on it before hand. Bonus points if you post pictures in the comments!
• 1 cup or 236 ml of lukewarm water
• 1 Tsp or 15 grams sugar
• 1 package or 1.5 tsp or 7 grams of dry granular yeast

Directions

• Dissolve sugar into lukewarm water
• Sprinkle yeast over water
• Let stand for ten minutes
• In a bedside urinal, bedpan, or spittoon squeeze the lime like you were mashing that evil sick twisted head of parasitic tick that was sucking the life out of your democracy and your child!
• Throw the spent useless rind of the lime in like worthless piece of compost that it has become!
• Toss in three or four ice cubes
• Pour the vodka over the ice
• Pour the vile yeast mixture over the top
• Fish a stirrer out of your garbage pail and stir this mess up.

This recipe is based on the Kvas drink which is a bread-based Russian beverage. We skipped the parts that might accidentally make it tasty and wholesome, though.

Well that seems like fun, but why waste that vodka and yeast on your anger at the desecration of our democracy at the hands of Mitch McConnell and the GOP? How about something you can have fun with? Like having a call #MoscowMitch party in which you and some of your friends, neighbors, and family get together and call Mitch and your senators to let them know how you feel about the House gun legislation?

#MoscowMitchMule #2

Here’s a fun drink to make during the Congressional recess and throughout the impeachment process! It is fun, it is good, and it will get you drunk if you drink enough of them… not that I’m condoning or encouraging anyone to get drunk or anything. And definitely, don’t drink and drive, y’all. That’s just bad juju. Or get drunk and shoot your in-laws or kick the dog or any of that other stuff that you’ve penning up inside that getting a little alcohol in you makes easier to let out.

Ingredients

• 2 oz or 60 ml vodka
• 2 oz or 60 ml of Tennessee sipping whiskey like Jack Daniel’s (the distinction is charcoal filtering)
• 1/2 oz or 15 ml of freshly squeezed lime juice — go ahead and do the #MoscowMitch caricature on it, though. That was fun.
• 6 oz or 177 ml of tonic water — a traditional Moscow mule uses ginger beer, so if you’re so inclined you should use that instead.
• 1/2 oz or 15 ml spicy ginger honey simple syrup (1 cup or 340 g of honey, 1/2 cup or 120 ml of water, 1/4 cup or 25 grams of finely chopped fresh ginger, and 1/2 tsp or 2.5 grams of cayenne pepper)

Directions

Spicy Ginger Honey Simple Syrup

If you’re going with tonic water and spicy ginger honey simple syrup, you’ll need to make the spicy ginger honey simple syrup before you do anything. Since it requires cooling, you may even want to make it well in advance. Don’t worry, it keeps for about a month in your fridge.

• Bring your honey and water to a simmer in a medium saucepan.
• Add your finely chopped fresh ginger
• Add your cayenne pepper
• Stir until the honey is dissolved.

The Moscow Mitch Mule

• Squeeze your lime into your favorite copper cup, Collins glass, or suitably sized glass tumble. Seriously, any cup or glass will due, but you’re trying to have fun, so make sure you do.
• Toss in the ice.
• Add in your vodka and whiskey.
• Add your tonic water.
• Add your spicy ginger honey simple syrup
• Stir with your stirring rod
• Garnish with fancy cut slices of lemon and beets and potatoes

I like the idea of combining the best that Moscow offers and the best that Kentucky offers, neither of which are Mitch McConnell.

Call #MassacreMitch and YOUR Senator

Now, let’s get this party started!

• #MassacreMitch or #MoscowMitch: (202) 224-2541.
• Common Cause will give you the names, party affiliation, direct phone number, website link, and social media platforms of all of your federal, state, and local elected officials.
• Call My Congress: Uses your zip code to locate your Congressional Representative and your Senators. And, it returns phone numbers, tweeter handle, party affiliation, voting record, and link to C-Span appearances! #MassacreMitch or #MoscowMitch: (202) 224-2541.
• Common Cause will give you the names, party affiliation, direct phone number, website link, and social media platforms of all of your federal, state, and local elected officials.