The Ol’ Pussy Grabber seems to have shot the country in the dick AGAIN! This time regarding responding to the novel covfefevirus. Proving once again that he is the man with the feculent touch! He’s “Orange” Finger!

Luckily, the prospect of locking a bunch of real live Americans up in their homes so they cannot go out and exercise their god-given rights to drive gas guzzling automobiles is something that scares both parties threats of being primaried or not.

Let’s review the sorry state of our public health emergence preparedness! What has the Ol’ Pussy Grabber done this time?

• Eliminates the emerging diseases monitoring program. Back in October, shut down one of the few things that W got right! After the bird flu thing back in ’05, W started up a program to monitor emerging diseases like COVID-19! We don’t do that no more.
• Fires the pandemic response team. In 2014 when Ebola was rampaging through West Africa and the Ol’ Pussy Grabber and the Repubes were demagoguing fear of the disease ridden blacks and browns ahead of the mid-terms, Obama developed a system of dealing with pandemics. The Ol’ Pussy Grabber YOUR FIRED ’em because why have thousands of people sitting around on the payroll doing nuthin? See, smart business man. No wonder the deficit is so high. Thanks Obama!
• Proposes cutting the CDC budget by 21%. In mid-February, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber released his 2021 budget proposal, you know the one that was prepared as the COVID-19 epidemic flared out of control in China and every public health nerd in the world was warning us about pandemics, right? The 2021 budget proposal attempts to pay for his useless, unwanted, and unnecessary oligarch’s tax cut by slashing spending on everything not military including the CDC, which is the lead agency in responding to pandemics and other public health threats.
• “Bungling” the whole test kit thing. When we realized we had our first real live community transmission that did not involve travel outside of the country, we all wanted to know why the lad hadn’t been tested. Then, we found out that there just weren’t that many test kits in the country or labs that had them. Then, we found out that the new test kits that the CDC — the agency the Ol’ Pussy Grabber wants to cut the budget of by 21% — had issued kits that couldn’t detect the virus. Oopsie! Don’t you hate it when that happens?
• Safety protocols not followed. The fellow who is the first known community transmission was, of course, in the same county where the cruise ship evacuees were quarantined. And, of course, the federal employees sent to deal with the evacuees weren’t trained in dealing with contagious diseases, didn’t have protective clothing, and were just sent home after being in close personal contact with potentially infected folks. You think the pandemic response team coulda helped with that one?

Since we are living in the stupidest of all realities, we really need Congress to set up the funding, mandate how it is spent, and then provide rigorous close oversight of that spending.

Our very model of a modern stable genius wants to take funding from two programs. First, he wants to take money from the ongoing effort to combat the Ebola outbreak in Central Africa that’s happening RIGHT NOW because what could go wrong with that plan? Oh, that’s a crisis that has yet to happen. Don’t go wringing your hands over that! It might not even get very bad. Who knows? And then from the program that helps low-income families pay for heating. Again, what could possibly go wrong if you eliminate heating for 750,000 families? Are you sure they need it? Global warming, suck it libs!

Call Your MoC

Call YOUR members of Congress! Call your representative and call your senators. This one is a no brainer. We can’t let this madness plunge us into a devastating public health crisis. The other two known coronaviruses are MERS and SARS. They both have high morbidity rates. MERS kills about 34% of its victims and SARS, 10%. So far COVID-19 is between 2 and 3 percent. It also spreads faster than MERS and SARS, so if it kills like them, too, we could be in for a real shitshow. But, since when is that new?

Call your damn members of Congress and get this done. Oh, and wash your hands while you’re at it.

The Script

The script is borrowed from Five-Calls.

Hi, my name is [NAME] and I’m a constituent from [PLACE YOU LIVE].

I’m calling to urge [NAME OF SENATOR OR REPRESENTATIVE] to pass an adequate coronavirus emergency funding bill that does not take money from other key government initiatives. While a robust coronavirus response is essential, it must be funded with net new emergency money rather than funding from things like Ebola response efforts and heating assistance for low-income families.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

IF LEAVING A VOICEMAIL: Please leave your full street address to ensure your call is tallied.

Tips for Calling

When you call your representative’s office, please remember the following:

• Only contact YOUR MoC! They only listen to their constituents and dismiss requests from non-constituents.Ask for the aide working on the policy-related issues.
• Be polite! No matter whose office you’re calling. No matter what their positions are. No matter how inflamed you are about the issue — and you should be very passionate — be polite.
• Remember that the people you are talking to are people! So, be nice.
• Call during business hours of the area code their office is in. Typically, that is 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM.
• Have a script or notes to follow so you don’t forget anything.
• Maybe call with friends. You know like a party.

In Addition to Calling

I’ve heard back from readers that some MoC’s voice mail boxes are always full! It’s as if they don’t want to hear from their constituents. Kinda like those MoC’s who don’t hold town halls or other open forum meetings. Here are some other ways to contact your MoC:

• Send a postcard to their office. Nothing says I care like kicking it old school and using snail mail.
• Email their office. Lay out your concerns in a brief email and send it in. We all know how easy it is to email. Make sure you include the issue you are addressing in the subject line.
• Use the contact page on their website. This is the surest way of getting a message to them. Each MoC has an official government website and each has a contact page that comes with it automatically.
• Contact them using social media. It’s hard to break through all the noise on social media, but it can’t hurt to try given all the time we all spend using it. Be sure to tag your MoC’s when social mediaing about about a specific issue. Be clear and respectful, though, when addressing an issue that you want your MoC to act upon. Make sure you let them know you are a constituent.

Contacting Your MoC

Find out how to contact your MoC using these links!

• Common Cause will give you the names, party affiliation, direct phone number, website link, and social media platforms of all of your federal, state, and local elected officials.
• USA.gov is the official guide to information and services of the US government. This page explains clearly how to contact everyone from the Ol’ Pussy Grabber to your representative to specific government agencies. Through it you can find the following information about your MoC’s:
  • Their phone numbers: DC and state offices
  • Their mailing addresses both in DC and their state offices
  • Official website with their contact page including email, request a meeting, town hall schedules, and social media
  • And, the committees they sit on
• 5 Calls: Sign-up for 5 Calls because they help you contact your member of Congress and keep you abreast of on going issues that are important to you! Now, that is a good deal.
• The Capital Hill Switch Board: (202) 224-3121.
• MassacreMitch and #MoscowMitch: His DC office, (202) 224-2541.
• Nancy Pelosi: Her DC office, (202) 225-4965; her California office, (415) 556-4862
• The Ol’ Pussy Grabber: The WH switchboard, (202) 456-1414 or the comments line at (202) 456-1111 during business hours

Join Indivisible

Follow the link to Indivisible to find a group near you, their campaigns, events in your neighborhood, and download their handy-dandy booklet!

Image Attribution

The feature image was found using a Creative Commons search. It was posted by the Official Website of the Military Health System for an article on the coronavirus. It was taken by Senior Airman Cody R. Miller during his regular duties as such it is licensed as a public domain image.