“Howdy everybody, and welcome to the very first episode of Make It Worse! Tonight, we’ll have two contestants vying to see who can make a bad situation even worse! It’s the game where nobody wins!
“Tonight’s topic is a fan favorite and one of the worst things ever! Give it up for KIDNEY STONES!
“Contestant Number One, how will you make it worse?”
“Passing the stone, Bob, would be worse!” responds Contestant Number One to wild applause.
“Right you are! Having kidney stones can be painful, but as they slide down the ureter — OUCH! — that’s definitely worse. Over to you Contestant Number Two. How will you make it worse?”
“Having the stone get hung up in the ureter, Bob!” Contestant Number Two’s answer is interrupted by even wilder applause and hails of laughter. The audience is loving it! “Believe me, from personal experience, it is worse!”
“Right you are! Not only are stones getting stuck in the ureter painful, they are dangerous! That’s definitely worse! Contestant Number One, stones are in your court, so to speak,” and the audience groans at the bad pun. “How can you make it worse?”
A hush falls over the auditorium as Contestant Number One ponders his response.
“Clocks ticking,” Bob reminds him .
“While the surgery to remove them,” he begins to gasps of disbelief, “the inconvenience and discomfort of combining the spinal block and Foley catheter, I believe, will make it worse!”
There’s a smattering of applause and some groans of disappointment.
“I believe we’ll have to go to the judges on this one!” Bob says with a grin touching the earpiece in his left ear. “Judges what do you say, is it worse?” He turns dramatically to look off stage as the cameras pan the fidgeting audience and contestants.
“And the judges say,” Bob pauses for dramatic effect. The tension is palpable. It could be cut with the proverbial knife. “It is worse before it gets better!” The audience goes crazy with applause and cheers with a few scattered boos from those who disagree.
After the calm is restored, all eyes turn to Contestant Number Two.
“Can you come up with something that is worse than the combination of the spinal block and Foley’s catheter?” Bob asks allowing some disbelief to creep into his voice.
Contestant Number Two looks confidently into the camera.
“I have two words for you, Bob,” he says smiling. “Morning wood!”
The silence that follows is deafening. No one even dares breathe.
Then to the man there is a gut-wrenching hew and cry of anguished sympathetic pain as the image of stiffing erection and constricting urethra sliding down the hard plastic tube of the Foley’s catheter sears into the mind.
Pandemonium rocks the studio as the show draws to a close.
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