Howdy y’all!

I’m playing hooky — full-time citizen, part-time blogger, remember? — and watching the returns roll in. The advantage for me is that I’m twelve hours ahead, which means it’s morning. I’m doing this with coffee and without any rum or Kahlúa in it, and I’m waiting on my breakfast burrito to be delivered.

2:26 PM Trump Speaks

Trump comes out to speak. I’m shattered. Completely depressed. I hope my dire predictions for a Trump term do not come to pass, but I cannot imagine that over the next decade we’ll see millions die every year from extreme weather caused by climate change. I can’t imagine that Ukraine falls immediately. There won’t be a negotiated peace. Gaza is now gone. Beachfront property once it gets bulldozed whether Palestinians are still there or not.

He’s claiming a movement and helping us heel (editor’s note: boot heel no doubt) because our borders are broken. This is an incredible political thi… Look what happened! Isn’t it crazy? We’ve never seen anything like it… elected 45th and 47th president. Nothing like that has happened before.

He does say he’ll fight for every American and not forget us.

After a bit of rambling, then says he sends Jamoke Dumbass into the “enemy camps” meaning media outlets like MSNBC, which he never appeared on.

He puts Jamoke and his campaign managers on the spot by telling them to address the audience. Jamoke nearly gave his own stump speech.

Now he’s rambling about Musk and his rocket landing and someone who was talking to someone on the phone while watching it. He wanted to put them on hold, and they let you when you’re going to be president.

Now, we’re on to the North Carolina and Hurricane Helene which was a water hurricane? And, now Star Link.

I can’t listen to this any more. This is just madness.

1:50 PM Trump Wins

NBCNews just announced that another network has declared the election for Trump, so they must’ve awarded Pennsylvania. What a fucking disaster.

Trump has won by greater margins than he did in 2016 and greater numbers than 2020. In true Trump fashion, he hasn’t prepared remarks, so he can’t come out and “speak.”

I don’t know whether to hope for a Jamoke Dumbass presidency or not.

1:20 PM The Stakes of the Election

Trump is fixing to speak, so he’ll (a) claim victory and (b) give a unifying message of LOCK THEM UP!

Make no mistake, Putin has won two of the last three presidential elections in the US. Trump’s victory means that Putin reclaims the old USSR territory. Xi takes Taiwan. Saudi Arabia saws up more dissenters. Iran goes nuclear.

But, the most devastating of all, the climate will no longer be able to support eight billion people and we’ll start seeing millions dying every year in climate related disasters.

Pray we don’t ever have a President Jamoke Dumbass.

1:10 PM Stein pulls significant vote share in Dearborn amid progressive and Arab-American criticism of war in Gaza

Jesus, Jill Stein, again. She takes 22% of the vote in Dearborn. Fuck Jill Stein. Nothing demonstrates the idiocy of protest voting. Gaza is going to be better off under Trump than Harris? Christ all mighty.

12:50 PM The Countdown Until Trump’s Victory Claim

We’ve entered the Trump claim of victory time of the night. It won’t be too much longer before he appears on stage to say he won. He might actually wait until Fox News calls it for him, but he might not.

12:30 PM Voter Suppression

The things that aren’t being reported:

  • TRUMP WINS GEORGIA: I wonder how much that had to do with voter roll purges?
  • HARRIS’ MARGINS DOWN IN VIRGINIA: I wonder how much that had to do with the late occurring voter role purges okayed by SCOTUS.

11:53 AM Split Ticket Voting

I can’t wrap my head around someone in North Carolina voted for Trump, then Cooper for president, and other Democrats for the statewide offices? How do you do that? How do you vote for Rick Scott, Trump, and the abortion ballot measure in Florida? What is wrong with people?

Other issues:

  • MINIMUM WAGE: Missourians voted for Trump and to raise minimum wage
  • INDEPENDENT WOMEN: Trump increased his vote from 39% in 2020 to 42% so far in 2024!
  • FIRST-TIME VOTING MEN: Men voting for the first time broke for Trump, 62% to 36% who knows how many of these guys there are.
  • ARIZONA: There are people voting for Trump, Gallego, and an abortion ballot measure.

11:50 AM The World Goes Oligarch

If Trump wins — I’m depressed, but not convinced it will happen — but if Trump wins, the world goes oligarch. The billionaires win and will rape the world and condemn us to climate hell.

11:37 AM North Carolina Goes Trump

It really feels like 2016. Just how stupid, racist, misogynist are the American people?

Chuck Todd — freaking Chuck Todd! — says Trump has made huge gains in his margins in Texas, Florida, and other states. How is that possible? I just can’t. I can’t.

11:20 AM Raffensberger says Trump has an ‘insurmountable lead’ in Georgia

I can’t believe that Raffensberger is helping the Big Lie by making such a statement when the news media hasn’t awarded with Georgia and there is still enough vote out there for Harris to win. Can Trump’s claim of victory be far off?

11:15 AM Republicans Take the Ohio Senate Seat

NBCNews projects that Moreno will win the Ohio Senate seat — a car dealer — and the Republicans will take the Senate. I really liked Brown and was hoping that he’d make it. And, a lousy candidate and person like Moreno joins the Senate and flushes the filibuster down the shitter.

11:10 AM The Yutes of Today

The youth vote is breaking Trump? What the fuck? Young men are turning out in greater numbers than young women? What universe are we living in? Never underestimate the appeal of the juvenile stunt with young men.

10:25 AM Wisconsin

NBCNews is reporting that Harris under performing Biden in 2020, but it’s only a quarter of the vote in the big Democratic areas.

Trump is over performing, though, in the Republican areas, with more of the vote in.

10:40 AM Pennsylvania Starts Feeling

Pennsylvania is starting to feel a bit like Florida 2016. Man, why did I stay home? I should be in the class and ignoring all this. Still, Harris is over performing in some of the Democratic counties, but under performing in others.

Now they’re second guessing her choice of Walz over Shapiro. Jeez. Maybe I’ll help La Petite Fille with her homework.

10:20 AM Iowa Goes Red

Even after the Iowa Poll showed Harris winning by three points, within the margin of error, Trump over performs his 2020 results.

Another pipe dream drifts off in the breeze. Iowa and Colin Allred, bye-bye!

10:00 AM Latino vs Older Votes

NBCNews just reported that their exit poll said that the Latino vote broke Trump big! BIG! That’s 600,000 votes.

In Nevada, Trump has improved double digits with Latino voters.

We knew that Trump would improve with Latinos — especially the men (misogyny) — but still I find it surprising. I know it’s a rainbow and not a monolith.

To counter all the doom and gloom from the Latino population, Harris is over performing with older voters. Remember, I’m now an “older” voter, so the youngest older voters are shifting the demographic.

Right now, it’s 9:45 AM or 8:45 PM on the East Coast. These are my thoughts:

  • RICK SCOTT: Just cut Florida off now and set it adrift. What the actual fuck? Who votes for a slimy rat like that?
  • FLORIDA ABORTION MEASURE: I’m surprised that the abortion ballot measure didn’t have longer coattails. Sure, it barely missed the anti-democratic 60% threshold, but it didn’t seem to hurt Scott much.
  • COLIN ALLRED: While we love us some Colin Allred, it don’t look like it’s gonna happen this time around.
  • FRAT GUYS: Jesus Howard Christ, see what I mean about Trump’s juvenile appeal? Those guys would cut their dicks off to spite their faces. Misogyny is alive and well in the overproduced elites class.
  • KAMALA HARRIS: She’s over performing in all the Democratic strongholds in a lot of states: Georgia, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and OHIO — are you kidding me? — please Sherrod Brown, please.