UPDATE: I gotta say that I was wrong on this one. The Greasy TACO Stain DID attack Iran. He’s saying that they totally obliterated the targets and have eliminated Iran’s nuclear capabilities, which probably means some damage was done and nothing is off the table, but that is just the esoteric art of reading Trump-speak. Who knows?

My guess is that Netanyahu found some way of making it worth his while. We’ll see.

The whole “will-he-or-won’t-he” attack Iran saga has all the melodrama of a common telenovela. Recently, the administration released this gem: “Based on the fact that there’s a substantial chance of negotiations that may or may not take place with Iran in the near future, I will make my decision whether or not to go within the next two weeks.”

Earlier in the week, Trump remarked, “I may do it. I may not do it. I mean, nobody knows what I’m going to do,” echoing his Reign of Error’s policy of being completely erratic and unpredictable — like some super-genius elebenty-billion-dimensional chess. He is, after all, the very model of a modern stupid genius.

The Orange TACO Stain’s dithering over Iran has provided ample fodder for his drama-mill: He got to nope out of a meeting with Zelenskyy at the G7 meeting in Canada. The Washington press corpse is fawning over the national security types trying to figure out exactly what kind of greasy sauce is oozing from the TACO.

The pundit class, which makes its money by wringing their hands on the national TV, is endlessly speculating about what Trump will do next and trying to interpret whether this action is a distraction from that one and whether he’s serious about something or JK’ing. It’s all so nauseating to watch.

It’s like the press is colluding with him to bring about fascist authoritarianism in Amerikkka. It’s like they’ve completely forgotten the lessons of the Reign of Error. So, let me remind them, and you comment on them in the comments, okay?

Lesson One: Obama’s Deal

The press seems to have completely forgotten about Obama’s Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) agreement with Iran, which did a lot of things, but one of them was delay any further Iranian enrichment of uranium for ten years, or from 2015, when the deal was signed to about now. While far from a perfect plan, it did give the next president the space to find a more permanent solution to the problem of a nuclear armed Iran.

In 2018, Trump, in the biggest narcissistic hissy fit in the history of the world, withdrew from the JCPOA. This was the very thing designed to prevent the crisis we’re witnessing today, yet Trump cancelled it because of the narcissistic wound that Obama delivered to him at the 2011 WHCD when the whole entire room laughed AT Trump on national TV as Obama made some pretty lame jokes about his birtherism racist bullshit. It’s well worth watching because it is the narcissistic wound that drove Trump to cheat his way to the Oval Office in 2016.

In all of the reporting on the Orange TACO Stain’s hemming and hawing on Iran, very few mention the JCPOA, but it is clear that the panicked rush to bombing and violence that we are experiencing today is another Trump-made crisis that didn’t have to be caused by his thin-skinned narcissism.

Lesson Two: Trump’s Two Weeks

When Trump says he’ll have something for us in two weeks, he’s noping out. Two weeks is his timeframe for forgetting. He thinks everyone will have forgotten what he had said two weeks ago because of the firehouse of lies and disinformation that he is flooding the airwaves with.

In Trump 1.0, he was going to have a healthcare plan that couldn’t be beat, especially by no Obama ACA thingee, in about two weeks. Then in the 2024 campaign, he promised he would have the concept of a plan in about two weeks. But the only healthcare plan Trump and the Republicans have produced is cutting Medicaid and Medicare by millions, ending healthcare for countless Americans, removing rural hospitals by the hundreds, and causing a rash of early deaths among their constituents, and it only took them about two weeks to put that plan together.

Lesson Three: Trump is a Coward

Trump isn’t going to attack Iran because attacking Iran is a risk, and Trump is not a risk taker. Think about it, he’s never won anything fair and square. He doesn’t do anything unless he thinks he has a way of rigging the outcome in his favor or profit from it.

It is probably true that he didn’t think he would win in 2016, but he thought he could supersize his brand and get a big payday out of it. He spent the next four years figuring out how to monetize the White House and rig the 2020 election.

When he lost the 2020 election, it was the biggest narcissistic wound he had ever experienced, and he had another four years to figure out how to rig the 2024 election and take his revenge on the entire country — um, that’s what we’re experiencing now.

But, he can’t rig bombing Iran. The Air Force can’t guarantee that their 30,000 pound super bunker busting bomb would definitively damage the Fordo nuclear enrichment facility enough that it would put an end to Iran’s nuclear ambitions. The problem is that you’ll never put an end to Iran’s nuclear ambitions because they see a nuclear weapon as the ultimate guarantor of their safety and sovereignty vis-a-vis their enemies of Saudi Arabia and Israel, which are both US allies.

Since there is no guarantee of success, Trump won’t be easily convinced to do it. He’s a coward. He won’t take the chance. He’ll look for someone else to blame when Iran gets its nukes. That’s his preferred modus operandi when things don’t go his way.

If Netanyahu can figure out a way for Trump to profit from bombing Iran, then all bets are off, because Trump is — cha-ching — definitely for sale.

Comment on the three lessons that our failed political press has conveniently shit-canned from the first go-around with Trump. I’d love to hear your speculation on what Trump will do about Iran’s nuclear ambitions.

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