There is nervous excitement aplenty around Ye Olde Blogge as the Kindle has received our copy of Hillary Clinton’s What Happened AND Katy Tur’s Unbelievable: My Front Row Seat to the Craziest Campaign in American History. There is mega reading in my near future! But, before we do that, we need to address some of the reactions to the books, specifically Clinton’s, and some of the excerpts indicating the kind of crap that both women had to put up with, but especially an episode getting wide coverage in the press: the “kiss.” Excuse me while I clean my mouth with this belt sander.

Clinton Writes a Book, WHY?

Anyone following the news knows that (a) Hillary Clinton has written a book about her experience in the 2016 election, and (b) she’s received a lot of criticism for it. Why’s she writing a book? She’s being divisive. Why can’t she take responsibility for her loss instead of blaming everybody else?

It all really smacks of over reaction at best and pure sexist misogyny at worst. I can’t imagine why anyone would question the reasons or the content of a book written by the losing candidate in a presidential election, especially one lost in such a dramatic a fashion to a controversial character like the confessed rapist, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber.

Really? Why’d that person write a book? That’s your question?

Really? Why is she questioning the conduct of Bernie Sanders, her rival for the Democratic nomination? Why is she suggesting that the Russian hacking of the election might have had something to do with the surprising outcome? Why is she suggesting that the Comey letter might’ve blunted her momentum right after the spectacular confession of the Ol’ Pussy Grabber to raping women by grabbing them by the pussy? That’s your question? Exploring the roles that these people and events might’ve played in her dramatic loss seems odd to you?

CJ’s Twitter Adventure

Jesus Howard Crap! And, you wonder why some might think you sexist for questioning the book and her motivations for writing it? And, believe me, I’m soaking in the irony of writing this after my Twitter escapade. That just cracks me up.

Losing that race was far more complicated than Al Gore’s painful 2000 loss or John Kerry’s wafer-thin loss in 2004. This had to be one of the most controversial elections in the history of elections, and it came on the heels of some of the most controversial elections this country had ever had. So, Clinton might be forgiven for writing a book to help her sort out the complexities of her loss.

Science Intrudes: Sexism

There is a natural kinda experiment going on here, though. Not many losing presidential candidates have published much about their loss. Most have given interviews at one time or another, but really, they lie low even if they run again at a later date.

But, politicians write books all of the time. It is the reason half of ’em even run in the first place! So, if we apply basic experimental logic, meaning most things are equal between Clinton and other failed politicians, why then is she getting so much flack? Gore certainly caught hell for his beard and his film, An Inconvenient Truth, but it wasn’t much, really. Most of it was easily identifiable as partisan.

If all things are equal except for the one thing that is different, then it must be the one thing that is different causing all the fuss. That right there is basic scientific logic and is used to assign causation. The onliest difference between Hillary Clinton and Al Gore — besides the multitude of insignificant personal differences — is she is a woman! It strongly suggests that the extreme reaction to her is because she’s a woman, which makes it sexism.

The Stalky Rapey Excerpt

So, let’s look at an excerpt — a choice excerpt at that (from Wonkette) — from Clinton’s book:

This is not OK, I thought. It was the second presidential debate, and Donald Trump was looming behind me. Two days before, the world heard him brag about groping women. Now, we were on a small stage, and no matter where I walked, he followed me closely, staring at me, making faces. It was incredibly uncomfortable. He was literally breathing down my neck. My skin crawled. It was one of those moments where you wish you could hit pause and ask everyone watching, “Well, what would you do?” Do you stay calm, keep smiling and carry on as if he weren’t repeatedly invading your space? Or do you turn, look him in the eye, and say loudly and clearly, “BACK UP, you creep. Get away from me. I know you love to intimidate women, but you can’t intimidate me, so BACK UP.

I chose Option A, I kept my cool, aided by a lifetime of dealing with difficult men trying to throw me off. I did, however, grip the microphone extra hard. I wonder, though, whether I should’ve chosen Option B. It certainly would have been better TV! Maybe I have over-learned the lesson of staying calm, biting my tongue, digging my fingernails into a clenched fist, smiling all the while, determined to present a composed face to the world.

You know, shit like that don’t happen to men. I know the Ol’ Pussy Grabber “followed” Lil’ Marco around the stage once supposedly. I know the Ol’ Pussy Grabber has his ways of “intimidating” men, too. But, very few men have to put up with someone imitating a rapist stalking them. Very few men even fear being raped. Very few men ever have the notion of being raped intrude on their evening’s activities.

You see the way this works? It don’t occur to men that (a) it is a real fear, (b) the fear occurs as frequently as it does, or (c) a man would use it as a weapon against a woman. After the debate, and, if you’re watching MSNBC‘s coverage, (feel free to point out any other broadcasts that mentioned it in the comments), you might have heard the Hunh, that was weird, comments. You might’ve gotten, Well, that was creepy, comments, too. But, no one speculated, Do you think he was imitating the stalk of a rapist there?

One reason we don’t is because our culture is biased towards men. We give men the benefit of the doubt. Most men don’t behave that way… except when they do.

So, Clinton’s on stage in front of millions fighting for her political life and the causes she has lived her whole life fighting for, and in the blink of an eye she has to decide: do I call the asshole out on his behavior or do I do what all women do in these situations and make nice while a man acts out his usual dickish self? And, no matter how much you and I might want to pretend like we’d turn around and give the motherfucker what for, more than likely, we’d do exactly what Clinton did, only we’d’ve pulled it off much worser.

Katy Tur’s Grabby Rapey Excerpt

So, what light does Katy Tur’s book throw on to this sexual harassment, sexual aggression, and sexual assault conundrum, puzzler really, Gordian knot of a problem that women face? Could anything similar have happened to her?

Before I know what’s happening, his hands are on my shoulders and his lips are on my cheek. My eyes widen. My body freezes. My heart stops. Fuck. I hope the cameras didn’t see that. My bosses are never going to take me seriously.

Let’s all take a moment to wash the stank off of us using your favorite proportions of bleach to ammonia (Don’t, it creates a poisonous gas — that’s what makes it funny, see? It is so bad, you’d prefer poisonous gas and need something as powerful as deadly gas to clean away the contamination of the incident. Pretty funny, right?)

This is such a “great” incident because it begs the question, why didn’t you wrack the motherfucker? Or why didn’t you scream and shout your indignity and offense? (a) The motherfucker in question has Secret Service protection, and even though they all loved Katy Tur and gave her extra-special attention what with all the targeting of her by the Ol’ Pussy Grabber, they woulda had to tackle her to the ground, roughly ‘cuff her, and wrestle her into a squad car had she done it. And (b) ever body woulda said she was over reacting because the Ol’ Pussy Grabber was just trying to make nice nice with her. And (c) it was only a kiss on the cheek for cripes’ sake, what’s the big fucking deal? It’s not like he grabbed her by the pussy or anything.

Grabbing Her by the Pussy

But, it is like grabbing her by the pussy. She had to let him in the same way all those other women let him grab them by the pussies, and the same reason Clinton didn’t tell him to back the fuck off motherfucker. The world defaults to giving men, even confessed rapists like the Ol’ Pussy Grabber, the benefit of the doubt. He didn’t mean it like that! She’s just over reacting.

And it is like grabbing her by the pussy. She didn’t want him touching her. It’s not like the smelly construction worker on the crowded subway train not touching you, but it is the fellow who stands before thousands and points at YOU shouting, Dishonest Katy! Do your job! Or whatever the fuck he’d shout at her so that hundreds if not thousands would then turn to face her and shout invective and throw things prompting the Secret Service agents to keep an extra-special close eye on her because he targeted her. By name.

The truth is, she didn’t know what he was going to do. It wasn’t incidental contact secondary to some ordinary run-of-the-mill close physical passing that happens from time-to-time. He grabbed her and kissed her just like he described in his grossly immature and clumsy way to Billy Bush — god it had to be a BUSH, didn’t it? — on the Access Hollywood tape.

Motivations of Sexual Assault

And she had to let him… My bosses are never going to take me seriously. Like the media savvy reality TV show host didn’t know that. He was assaulting her the same as if he’d taken a tire iron and clocked her with it. He was sexually assaulting her the same as if he had taken a splintery stick and rammed it up her rectum like a common Brock Turner.  He was assaulting her because she couldn’t stop him from doing what he wanted to her even though she didn’t want it. He was assaulting her because he knew that it would damage her career if her bosses found out, if she made a big deal out of it. He was assaulting her because he knew he would get the benefit of the doubt, his reputation and career would be protected over hers, and other men would be giving him that silent knowing approval.

And, that is the root cause of traumatic damage: you couldn’t stop something you didn’t want to happen from happening.

ALL Men, Evolution Argument

But, it was just so minor. Do we have to make a federal case out of every little thing? If it were so fucking minor, why the fuck did he have to do it? Fuck that shit. Double fuck that shit up and fling it against the wall!

Every time one of these incidents comes to light, we hear from a plethora of women about similar incidents. Every. Fucking. Time.

We hear about so many, that you begin to think that it is all women being treated like this at some point in her life. So, we think to ourselves, man there are a few bad dudes out there running around as fast as they can from woman to woman groping, kissing, grabbing, raping.

Math Intrudes: Lies

ALL Men, the Right Situation

But wait one rape every 90 seconds here. How is that possible? Isn’t it the same as women on average claiming four sex partners and men claiming seven? I mean that’s impossible, right? If all women have on average four sex partners, how can all men have on average seven? There are some women out there who haven’t been counted for that to be true. It is too great of disparity to be accounted for by anything other than there are some missing women from the survey or somebody is lying.

Never mind that if you have your first sex partner at 18 years old and you average one boyfriend or girlfriend a year from that point on until you get married at 25 or 26, that you’d have more sex partners than that, especially with all the binge drinking on college campuses. But, maybe women are not counting the times they were raped while being passed out at a frat party, but the men are?

So, how can it be that every woman in your fucking life — go ahead, count up all the women you interacted with today — have had some type of sexual aggression committed against them in their life time, and it is only an extreme minority of men committing those sexual aggressions. How the fuck can that be? You explain that to me. Because it can’t. It just can’t. Somebody is lying.

Just like white people have to end racism because we, as a group, are the fucking racists, men have to end rape because we as a fucking group, are the fucking rapists.BOOM! Q.E. Fucking D!

And, I’m done motherfucker.

Mic fucking drop.

Regretfully, Ye Olde Blogge misread an article about Brock Turner’s sexual assault of an unconscious young woman producing this erroneous statement, He was sexually assaulting her the same as if he had taken a splintery stick and rammed it up her rectum like a common Brock Turner.It has since been corrected to read, He was sexually assaulting her the same as if he had taken a splintery stick and rammed it up her rectum like a common Brock Turner.

We regret any misconception this error may have resulted in.