Autism Appreciation Month: The Way of the Mask, Navigating the Neuroconvergent World

Mia Culpa

Blogging and blogs are a fragile thing, especially when the blogger is a full-time citizen and only a part-time blogger as I am. When last we left it, I had returned from China with the four months of salary that #COVID-19 and ridiculous Chinese bureaucracy had forced me to leave there in 2020, but also, with a cold. The week after returning, I managed to get to work everyday, but was asleep by 8:00 PM every night. Friday night, I slept 14 hours, Saturday, 13. I wasn’t “over” the cold until Tuesday and was substantially behind on all of my obligations. The blog got pushed.

My apologies. Now, on with the show.

Masking Autism: The Concealed Struggle

Navigating Communication and Behavior

I had an interesting and illuminating conversation with a co-worker the other day. As so many of us do when we gather in numbers greater than one, and, then some of manage it anyway, we carped about our overlords and how they’re doing it wrong. It’s like being a teenager. You’re parents are always wrong and never do anything right, amirite?

Anywho, they explained how one person in particular was difficult to read. They couldn’t tell if this person was serious, joking, sarcastic, or angry, especially in email. They were always struggling to figure out how to take the person and how to respond.

I quipped, Welcome to my world.

They responded with at least you’re not so blunt.

While this particular administrator is a very poor communicator, there are probably a wide variety of reasons for it. For me, though, there is only one reason for my confusion about how to take what others are saying, autism. And there is only one reason for me not being so blunt, masking autism.

Throughout my life, I have diligently studied the way people communicate and behave. Initially, my focus was on understanding humor, as being funny is a great way to deflect criticism and navigate social hurdles. For the most part, I believe I have been successful, albeit in a slightly quirky manner.

My study of communication wasn’t a scientific systemic study. I responded to what was needed at the time. For example, in graduate school, it was formal academic communication. Strunk and White’s Elements of Style was one of my sources.

Another example, was studying non-verbal communication. Back in the 70’s “body language“ had a moment in pop culture, and I read every body language book I could persuade my mother to buy or find in the library — we went to the library a lot because free air conditioning and free entertainment, something every divorced mother needed in spades in the ’70s. While most of it was garbage, it helped me tune into the importance of nonverbal communication and some control over what my body and face were communicating.

Over my life, I’ve really put a lot of conscious effort into figuring communication out. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been fruitful. It is one way that I’ve masked my autism. While masking has its advantages, such as improved communication and relationships with neurotypical individuals, as well as the ability to sustain employment and cultivate a career, the associated costs are staggering.

Peaking Under the Mask

Masking is the process of intentionally, or unintentionally, hiding aspects of yourself to avoid harm. Masking is frequently used — up to 70% of autistic adults report the use of social camouflaging — to adapt to neurotypical behaviors and tendencies.

Autistic individuals employ various strategies to veil their true identities. For instance:

• We talk too loudly, especially when excited. Modulating your voice is a hard lesson to learn for an autistic, but you learn it because people react negatively to you when your voice is raised. People are not shy about telling you to lower your voice and doing so in a very shaming disrespectful way, like it should be obvious.
• Reacting to sensory overload is another area where autistics typically mask their responses. I remember when people around me would complain about smells or loud noises or other sensory irritants, I would think that they needed to just keep it to themselves because it was causing problems. I thought they were being selfish and only looking out for their own needs. I didn’t realize that I was just masking my own reactions. To me, the solution was obvious, stuff any feelings of discomfort you were feeling down and endure, endure, endure.
• Managing anxiety is probably one response that most autistics camouflage. Frequently, stimming — repetitive movement — is used to cope with spikes in anxiety and to soothe yourself. If you ever watched someone jiggle a leg, you know what I’m talking about. But, most folks don’t like the tapping, rustling, oddness that is endemic to stimming, and once again, they are not shy about letting you know.

Anything that isn’t neuroconforming is fair game for neuroconvergent folks to shame us neurodivergent folks over. As one woman told researchers, she masked because I want to avoid the bullying mostly (Hull et al., 2017). It isn’t safe to be publicly autistic.

Autistic people still have to be in the closet, so we mask. Even when we’re out of the closet, like me, we still mask because society’s acceptance of autism seldom extends to embracing behaviors that deviate significantly from the norm. Sheldon Cooper is funny on the TV, but he isn’t when you’re in the room with him.

The High Price of Masking

Stress and Exhaustion

Masking has two significant costs: stress and exhaustion. To mask, you have to be constantly aware of how you’re being perceived or how closely you’re conforming to the neuroconvergent world’s expectations, and you still screw it up. Every damn day, I get something wrong somewhere, and, just like with racial microaggressions, there is a price to be paid for it. A remark. A hurt feeling. A miscommunication. Sometimes a real disaster, like when I interpreted “you may evaluate your students’ responses” as you could if you wanted to, but not as you had to, as was the intent.

However, the strain does not stem solely from the need for constant vigilance. It is compounded by the acerbic hostility of the environment. Whether due to construction noise next door, excessive lighting, or the need to engage in social interactions during meals, where solitude is preferable, conforming to neurotypical standards is an exhausting endeavor. 

Suicidal Thoughts and Masking

Not only does masking make people unhappy and affects them negatively, it is often accompanied by suicidal ideation in autistic people.

We found out that autistic and nonautistic people think masking is very complicated and has a negative effect on them. Both autistic and nonautistic people said that masking made them exhausted and really unhappy and that it made them feel like people did not know the “real them.” Only autistic people mentioned that masking sometimes makes them feel suicidal and that masking includes things that other groups did not mention (such as trying to hide being upset by sensory things such as loud noise).

“Masking Is Life”: Experiences of Masking in Autistic and Nonautistic Adults by Danielle Miller, BSc, Jon Rees, MBBS, and Amy Pearson, PhD in PubMed Central

Once again, I find myself at a crossroads and unsure of what to do with these observations. Should the world change to allow neurodivergent people to run pell-mell through crowds, to verbalize their anxiety, to dim lights, or find shelter from overwhelming sensory input?

The costs to masking is high. Is a successful career and marriage really possible without masking in a neuroconvergent world? Is the misery that gives rise to suicidal ideation, stress, and exhaustion really a fair cost to the neurodivergent to participate fully in the world we live in?

In light of this, it is crucial to recognize that autistic and other neurodivergent individuals within your social circles may engage in masking, even if they have disclosed their autism to you. Should their camouflage falter and they deviate from the expected norms, it is essential to respond with understanding and compassion. While I know you do not react harshly or judgmentally, it is a reminder for all of us to exercise empathy.

Image Attribution

This image was generated using Poe’s StableDiffusionXL bot using the prompt, Wearing a disguise to hide your differences