I’ve had some illuminating conversations with a broad spectrum of people — people who, you’d think, would be more sensitive to issues of race, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. The more I’ve thought about those conversations, the more I feel compelled to share them on Ye Olde Blogge. There is something that we could all learn from them about standing up for our beliefs and

Wait! Maybe Black Americans REALLY Are Lazy!

In a casual conversation that turned political — when does that ever ended well? — a friend blithely offered, “I think the liberals went too far with the pronoun thing. I don’t give a shit about what pronouns get used.”

I avoid arguments both in person and in the comments. I’ve been on social media for too long to think that engaging in a back-and-forth can be any more successful than trying to convince a brick wall to be flexible. The only thing you get out of it is higher blood pressure, so I just nodded and mumbled something about how it matters to some people.

They charged right over my meek response, saying their alma mater celebrated the appointment of an indigenous scholar to lead the indigenous studies department, loudly doubting whether the direct lived experience of being an indigenous minority in a discriminatory majority culture contribute anything meaningful to the study of their own people.

Again, I demurred by saying that we all have our unique perspectives based on our experiences. By now, I was desperately searching for an exit when they continued, “Tom Hanks said he could not make Philadelphia today because he’s not actually gay… It’s called acting!” I smiled and commented on what a dramatic performance Hanks had turned in, surprising everyone at the time.

I knew I had stepped in it, when they pivoted to Nigerian immigrants of all things — how, dear god, how did we get to Nigerian immigrants without even the blessings of Nigerian prince email scam joke? — claiming, “There are studies showing they succeed and don’t experience discrimination.”

I swallowed hard, afraid of where this was heading. “Surely, you’re not suggesting that maybe there’s something to the idea that Black Americans really are lazy after all?” I left it at that, hoping to avoid a full-on train wreck and dreading the next time we met.

Hungarian Romani?

At a small social gathering, the conversation took a bizarre turn when one guest said, “My sister-in-law is Hungarian, and she says that ‘gypsies’ really are lazy and prefer government handouts” in a clearly disgusted tone.

Surprised that anyone would bring up the Romani experience, I bit my tongue, hoping others wouldn’t join in. I was hesitant to respond to directly least it “ruin” the evening get together. However, our host chimed in, “It’s the same with First Nations in Canada. They don’t want to work.”

I knew I had to think on my feet to be both diplomatic and firm. “You’re surprised that a people, like the Romani or Native Americans, might be reluctant to engage with a dominant culture that has discriminated against and abused them for centuries?”

They’ll Just Drink and Drug the Money Away

Then, there was the discussion about how to help people. Out with friends, someone related the anecdote about their housekeeper’s younger brother who found an iPhone in the trash — I’m not vouching for the veracity of the story here — and sold it for $600.00. We all agreed that to the average Cambodian person that was a small fortune, but to us, it was a windfall but not life-changing.

The story took a surprising turn. The brother used the money to buy a used tuk-tuk and started driving for an Uber-like rideshare app. Naturally, someone remarked on how miraculous it was that the money wasn’t squandered on drinking and drugs — because, you know, poor people, amirite?

I suggested that most people actually want to work and earn an honest living. And here’s a #ScienceFact: the best way to lift people out of poverty is to give them money. The reaction? Skepticism. “Poor people can’t be trusted with cash,” they said practically in unison.

In that moment, it struck me: if my middle-class friends were given a direct cash monthly payment of $200, they’d likely use it to buy “luxury” items, party, eat out, catch movies, or whatever because they already are taking fabulous vacations to exotic places and paying off mortgages and saving for retirement. They already have a much more than needed income.

They also know that instances of drug and alcohol abuse in marginalized communities is higher than in the dominate culture, so obvs, they are all lazy alcoholic drug-users who can’t be trusted to spend money wisely.

This time, though, I was much more confident. I pointed out that on all five populated contents — including the US — that direct cash transfers had been used to alleviate poverty and few people squandered the money. As a social scientist, I trusted the data. I’ve looked at the studies. The evidence is overwhelming. Direct cash transfers have been used for decades and across demographic groups with huge success, yet objections from my middle-class friends continued to fly. “What about giving money to alcoholics? Will they spend it wisely?” Not necessarily, but how many people are actually alcoholics or abusing drugs? Not as many as you think.s you think.

There is an absurdity to the white privilege that conceives of success as being as simple as getting a job at McDonald’s and working your way up. After that you’ll be integrated into the dominate white culture and be able to enjoy the successes that are available to white people. I hope my friends have spent some quality time thinking about what it might be like to be a member of a racial, cultural, ethnic, or linguistic oppressed minority, and that the topics come up again so that we have more opportunities to point out the difficulties that many people face in our communities.

To me all of these conversations demonstrate the difficulty of breaking through to middle-class white people about what it is really like being a minority that we’ve oppressed for generations — not that I could ever truly understand what it would be like. What I’d really like to know is whether you’ve had conversations like these with people in your life, how it went, and what you think of how we can change our white culture to being more inclusive.

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