Apparently Ms McGee is a Bernie or Buster who writed an article from her own little head to the great big wide interwebs with her thinking thoughts about our latest presidential election. I cannot lie, I first read about this affront to democracy and humanity, about this contribution to the United Fucking States of Fucking Stupid in an article savaging the young Ms by the editrix, owner, and publisher of the Wonkette, Rebecca Shoenkopf, my personal hero and the inspiration for this blog, but, be warned, if you dare visit, she bites!

After this election, I am in the mood of moods, and it don’t take much to get me to thinking and pondering and wondering and mouthing off and shit. Well, truth be told, it ain’t ever took much to get me to mouth off, but this election has made a bad thing worse, dammit! It has! So, I felt inspired to use this histrionic mishmash of desperately coined youthful trope to conduct an exciting civics lesson! Yes, that’s right, boys and girls, today we’re going to learn how the United Fucking States of Fucking Stupid makes a president! And, you know what? It’s suitable for your favorite drunk uncle, just in time for Thanksgiving. But before that, I feel compelled to say a few words about Spats McGee’s “ideas.”

Let’s Make Nice-Nice with all the Pussy Grabbers

She seems nice enough, to paraphrase Trump. Really she does. She seems earnest and sincere and passionate and even informed. She talks about seeing people as people and relating to them and finding common cause and how Trumpers are tired of the status quo just like you and me. And a system that is rigged against them and believes the poll that said Bernie would’ve smashed Trump to be a reflection of an alternate universe that was stolen from us in which we could elect Bernie Sanders and all ascend into Nirvana and become one with the Bernie-head while humming Kumbaya and holding hands with our unicorns and shitting rose-scented heart-shaped turds. We would then be living in a virtual paradise had the mean old Democratic Party not followed its rules and put Clinton’s name in nomination instead.

You see, according to Ms McGee, Trump supporters are just people who aren’t racist or sexist, please try to remember that as Trump’s America rages and you witness people grabbing women by the pussy and trying to rip hijabs off of Muslim women’s heads and screaming nigger at passersby and telling people of color to sit in the back of the bus and scaring five year-olds by telling them they’ll be deported. Really. Trump supporters aren’t so bad if you’d just get to know them. And now we have an unparalleled opportunity to drain the motherfucking swamp that is Washington DC of corruption. You know, that’s all Trump supporters wanted. That’s why they voted straight party ticket and sent Republican majorities back to the House and Senate. They wanted change.

Don’t get me wrong. We need to dialogue with Trump supporters, but we should not start from the assumption that this election was about being disgusted by a mutual status quo. The status quo that disgusts Trump voters is very different from the one that disgusts Ms McGee. They are disgusted by this status quo: women getting free birth control so they can go out and have sex like men do — free from the fear of getting pregnant; black, Hispanic, and Muslim people having jobs and earning money; homosexualatingsexuals getting married and adopting kids; and people who are participating in the free market place being compelled by our Federal government to provide them with wedding cakes, photos, and flowers against their sincerely held religious beliefs!

How do we know this? Well, we know this because the average income of Trump supporters is $72,000.00! That’s well above the national average of $56,000.00! Make no mistake, Trump’s success at the ballot box had less to do with economic marginalization and more to do with having fear and anxiety stoked by a master con-man. Trump had evoked a feeling of threat in his white middle class voters, and, largely, it is a threat that isn’t there.

Threat Psychology

According to threat psychology (the systematic study of the behaviors and mental processes that are experienced under conditions of extreme fear and anxiety) people have two fundamental needs: (1) to feel in control of their lives and (2) to feel moral worth. The Great Recession and the constant harping on the bogey man of national debt by the Republicans (while they cut taxes and increase spending and paying for it all by borrowing money and demagoguing the debt and spendy Democrats), people, especially white middle class people, feel that they’ve lost control of their lives. With more people gaining “equality” and “rights,” they feel that they are losing further control of their lives. They also feel like they’re losing their position of moral worth, i.e. if they are really racists for refusing to learn about the workings of white privilege, then they would no longer be moral beings because they would be doing a bad by realizing the implicit advantages the system gives them over people of color. When they sent that HAW! HAW! HAW! funny picture of a monkey eating a banana but with Obama’s face Photoshopped onto it, they would have to agree that they are at the very least racially insensitive — why can’t those blacks just get over it, already?!? — and, therefore, immoral.

White people embody the reasoning, I’m not racist, so nothing I do can be racist. Just like many Christians and smug atheistic-agnostic leaning progressives believe, I’m good, so everything I do is good. It ain’t true for white people, Christians, or smug atheistic-agnostic leaning progressives and it ain’t true for Trump supporters. You know how I know? BECAUSE THEY VOTED FOR A MOTHERFUCKER WHO THINKS IT’S OKAY TO SEXUALLY ASSAULT WOMEN AND QUESTION THE LEGITIMACY OF THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!

We need to overcome this divide, but it begins with this shit ain’t right and there is no way in god’s green earthly hell that anyone should’ve voted for that thing that remotely resembles a human being. Sorry, but there ain’t no issue bigger than Trump is an unproductive narcissistic personality disorder who only cares for himself and will ceaselessly work to enrich himself at the expense of others oblivious to the death, destruction, and ruined lives scattered across his wake just like he has done his entire fucking life!

Goddamn, this shit pisses me off. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming, our civics lesson. But, first a word from our sponsor:

THREAT PSYCHOLOGY, in action!

Ms McGee felt that when Bernie Sanders lost the nomination to Hillary Clinton, some hope and control had slipped from her life, and this feeling continued as she increasingly believed the 30 years of Republican slanderous smear campaign against Clinton. So, she is seeking to find control in the only way that she can, by believing the big WHITE lie that Trump’s election is about economics and not about racism, misogyny, and xenophobia, and that the root of the economic ills of this country is due to corruption in Washington DC and that all politicians are corrupt.

The Civics Lesson

Right now we have thousands of people blowing off steam by marching about in the streets chanting, singing songs, waving signs, Tweeting, meming, and social mediaing. They are rising up as a people to DO SOMETHING ABOUT DONALD TRUMP! Ms McGee wants us to rise up as a people to ensure that they (the marginalized) are afforded the same dignity and respect as ourselves (white people). Let’s start this civics lesson by asking the question, what do you mean by rise up as a people? Similarly, I asked the question, what do people mean when they say we must fight back against the excesses of Trump? They sound similar don’t they? They both have that revolutionary zeal that we all know and love! Oh, we are going to rise up! We are going to fight back! We are going to take control of our lives back! We are going to maintain our moral worth! It is all those bad old Democrat’s fault. Let’s scapegoat them while we make nice-nice with the boys who will be grabbing our pussies and burning black churches with Molotov cocktails made with the hijabs and a bit of hair of Muslim women.

In case you hadn’t noticed, Ms McGee, we did rise up as a people once already this month. We rose up as a people on 8 November and elected Donald Trump as our nightmare in chief! We done rose up. This is how democracy works: we rise up by voting.

Electing a President

You see when a country loves its people very much, they desire to elect a president to do all the presidenting over them. So, they form political parties and place names in nomination to run for president. These political parties have to get those names in nomination long enough before the election so that they can get their names on the ballots in all fifty states. Each state has different rules for getting their names on the ballots. Getting on these ballots is hard, ain’t it, Jill Stein of the Green Party? And, if a candidate is not on the ballots in all fifty states, it is very unlikely that that person will be the next president of the United States. In fact, if a candidate doesn’t look like they will have a chance to win, it is very hard to get more than 5% of the vote nationally, ain’t it Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party?

Party Primaries

But, how do these parties decide whose name to place in nomination? Well, the parties are private organizations. That means they get to make up the rules for how they select their candidate. While there are laws that govern the process, none of the laws say that a vote for a party candidate seeking the nomination has to be the only way to decide. In fact, ain’t that right Donald Trump, there is no law that says the candidate that won the most votes in a state primary gets the most delegates from that state! So, when Sanders lost because he got many fewer votes than Hillary Clinton and Clinton got all the super-delegates, it wasn’t because the system was rigged against him, it was because that was how the system of the private organization known as the Democratic Party worked and the rules were clearly stated for every candidate to know and agree to.

Eventually, if they are lucky enough to have more than one party member interested in being the nominee, as the Republican and Democratic Parties usually do, they winnow their field to one candidate through a process of their own devising. The Republican and Democratic Parties choose to hold primary elections in each state according to a schedule. Then, taking the votes into account, and some other rules they make, they decide who has won. They place that candidates name in nomination, and then the general election begins. This year we went from having elevinty bajillion candidates to having about five or six depending on which state your counting in. But, only two of them actually had a chance of winning.

Pop Quiz

What happens to the candidates who don’t have a snowball’s chance in a cannibal’s boiling pot of winning? That’s right, they rarely get more than 5% of the vote! So, what is a person casting about for more control over their lives and moral worth to do? They really should weigh up the various choices and vote for the person they perceive as being closest to them in some way. For example, if a person believed that it is important to ensure that they (marginalized people) are afforded the same rights and dignity as ourselves (white people), which is a wonderful value to have, they should look to see which candidate shares that value. If you cared about ensuring that they (marginalized people) are afforded the same rights and dignity as ourselves (white people), then you should’ve voted for Hillary Fucking Rodham Clinton you twit!

Was she the perfect candidate? NO! No one ever is. But, she is competent and has spent her entire life fighting for equality and the rights and dignities of the other (they, as you so quaintly put it). Now, you’re left with trying to make the mythical humping unicorn with people who literally want to grab you by the pussy. Good luck with that. Thanks a lot. I’m glad you’ve preserved your sense of control over your life and your sense of moral superiority while the rest of us get flushed down the national shitter.

Image Attribution

The images used throughout the document were found using a Creative Commons search. However, their origins, producers, and copyright status have been lost to me. My apologies and any request to change the image will be done immediately. Use the contact page to make such requests.

The image of Spats McGee is similar to the one she used in her Medium profile. It was taken from the Wonkette article that was referenced by not linked to in the post, Be Right Back Have to Murder this Bernie-or-Buster. Again, should the image be judged to be used in violation of copyright, please notify me using the contact page, and it will be removed.

Update

I got to re-reading this post after having been reminded of its existence by a tweet and thought it was (a) pretty good, (b) had some typos and confusing phrasing that needed correcting, (c) could use a better feature image, and (d) is timely enough to re-post.