Festivus

A Festivus for the Rest of Us: Ghosts of Festivuses Past


Ye Olde Blogge has traditions! One of our traditions is celebrating a Festivus for the rest of us! We’ve been posting about Festivus since 2017 with a few skips and misses in there. There really is only so much that you can write and explain about the holiday, and since this year has been so bloody garsh-darned hard, we’re going to run an annotation of our previous Festivus posts.

So, we’ll go year-by-year to see revisit all of our past posts where you can learn about the holiday’s origins, the proper ways to decorate, the traditional meals, and the special events!

Festivus 2017

Twas the first year that we realized what a good fit the holiday was for a snarky, sarcasticky, and profaney blog written by a curmudgeonly old expat. What else do we do here other than air our grievances and engage in feats of futility, which is pretty close to a feat of strength. Tilting at windmills is our greatest attribute. Damn, if only the world would listen to me, it would be a much better place.

How to Celebrate Festivus: 12 Steps (with Pictures) – wikiHow

This being the first post and all — 14 December 2017 — it seemed fitting to start with an explainer and seeing how the good folks over at Wikihow had done such a dandy job of putting one together, we figured we start with that one. I mean, they included pictures and everything. How were we going to do better than that?

The highlight of the post is the #FestivusMiracle. We’re late with our miracles this year — we have been every year except this first one. Apparently, the ninth day before Festivus — that makes it 14 December — is Festivus Miracle Day. It’s easy to remember, it’s also the anniversary of the Sandy Hook Mass Shooting, which was not a Festivus Miracle.

Remember, to carry on the Kramer tradition of making the miracle instead of waiting for the miracle to come to you.

Festivus Greeting Cards are Bound to Disappoint

Our first pass at the whole greeting card thing. It seems like it was out best, too. I mean, can you top the snarky comments about being disappointing? We’re nothing if not self-deprecating. And, believe me, we really disappointed with these cards!

In looking about for inspiration, when we hit on the hedgehog, with thought we’d had ourselves another Festivus Miracle! Is there are more perfect animal than the hedgehog to represent the day?

Here are the highlights of that post:

  • Airing your grievances concerning the Ol’ Pussy Grabber!
  • This garbled sentence: Let them what you love know just how much you love them this holiday season!
  • And, this quote from the Festivus Hedgehog:

You’ve been  a huge disappointment this year, but at least you’ve been MY disappointment! And, I’m deeply grateful for all y’all reading my Ye Olde Blogge.

Festive FESTIVUS, y’all!

Festivus 2020

For reasons that remain obscure but undoubtedly are related to our devotion to erratic posting and forgetfulness, we completely ignored our newly minted tradition for the next two years. Without Festivus posts to power us along in 2018 and 2019, those years struggled for content. Seriously, Festivus has become one of the big draws for Ye Olde Blogge.

Festivus 2020: This Year was made for FESTIVUS! Come Celebrate with Ye Olde Blogge

If 2020 wasn’t the PERFECT Festivus year, I don’t know nothing! It was chock-a-block full of things to feel aggrieved about, took enormous strength to get through, and plenty of #FestivusMiracles dotted throughout.

I can’t believe I completely forgot about the miracles that year, though — and this year, but this year, I’ve got an excuse. Last year I was a house husband and had nothing but time on my hands. Hrmph. Go figure.

But, this was the blockbuster explainer comparing the O’Keefe and Seinfeld traditions and explaining all about the O’Keefe origins and everything. The Seinfeld Festivus episode is even imbedded — no one ever watches the video, though, because buffering.

The highlight of the post is how embarrassed Dan O’Keefe was about his father’s holiday peculiarity and worked it into the show by making George embarrassed by it, too. The origins of Festivus and the comparison of the two traditions. Fun!

Festivus 2020: Your Festivus Cards and Other Ideas for the Holiday for the Rest of Us

By the time this post went up, I had discovered the countdown app, so it featured a countdown to the big day. Oh, you could feel the excitement and nervous tension build all around Ye Olde Blogge!

In addition to the cards, a list of traditions, decorations, dinner options, and Festivus links were given. What’s even more, it was the beginning of the Festivus card mailing list! All of Ye Olde Friends of Ye Olde Blogge — that’s anyone who was ever foolish enough to let me know their email address — got a card! What a wild and wonderful tradition! Let’s see if it continues this year. I mean, sending out cards is a pain in the ass. i don’t know how my mother did it, but it does count as a grievance in the airing of grievances, right?

The special favorite thing about that post was all of the suggestions for making your Zoom Festivus work! If you’re still feeling skittish about public gatherings and what not, you might could check it out.

Festivus 2021

Even though we got a late start with the celebration this year, we’re still going to have plenty of grievances to air — I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and you’re going to hear about it! — some fantastic feats of strength — I’m now running 10K’s — more miracles than I can count on one hand.

Coping with your MAGA Relatives during the Festivus Season

This year Festivus coincided with one of my big concerns: reconciling with MAGA Nation. It’s being a struggle right now what with MAGAs trying to destroy our democracy and institute a white supremacists authoritarian regime and all. But, we will prevail and preserve our democracy… and then what? We still have to live with them.

One way to help us win is to pull as many people from that MAGA voting block as possible. Not everyone is as committed to MAGA as they seem. The more people we can siphon off, the easier it will be win elections.

And, this year being the debacle that it has been, the combination of airing your grievances and feats of strength could lead to some serious altercations and real injury. Nobody wants that no matter how obnoxious your favorite drunk rage uncle is.

Hightligh: Remain engaged with your MAGA family and seek common ground. Maybe even work on a project together.

Festivus Cards 2021

I admit that the title of this year’s card post lacked a little pizazz, but I wrote it the first day of December break. I had been to the staff party the night before and was still feeling a bit distracted.

Anywho, the cards are first rate, though. I think they’re the best batch yet. There’s a good balance of images and some snarky and sarcasticky messaging. Not profaney because we’re sending them to folks on the Interwebs and we don’t want to be in violation of any of the interstate emailing laws or anything. I mean DeJoy is still postmaster general and everything.

And, there you have it folks. Three years of Festivus on Ye Olde Blogge. Lots of information. Lots of festivity. There’s no excuse for not have a festive Festivus for the rest of us.

There’s still time to give the snarkiest, sarcastickiest, profaniest gift this Festivus season!

Let us know how your Festivus plans and preparations are going and how it all turned out in the comments!

Otherwise, share the joy of the season with friends and family by sharing the post on your favorite social media platforms. Liking and rating the post are good options, too!

Image Attribution

Gifts stacked around the ‘Festivus’ pole.” by RW PhotoBug is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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