Autistic Burnout Explains the Engagement and Withdrawal of Autistic People

1. Suicide Prevention Resources
2. Burnout
3. Burnout with the Autism Twist
4. Autism Burnout: What is it Really Like?
   1. Unmotivated and Overwhelmed
   2. Selective Mutism
   3. Impaired Executive Functioning
5. Finding a Tolerable Environment
6. School as a Supportive Environment
7. The Importance of Family Support

In 1990, a neighbor of a friend of mine committed suicide. He had gone into his bathroom, climbed inside the bathtub, put his head in a plastic bag, and shot himself in the head.

It was a tragedy. It was shocking. It was incredibly sad. But, it was also peculiar. He did what? Why?

As he explained in his suicide note, he didn’t want to leave a mess for anyone to clean up. He used the bag to contain the mess he would create, and the bathtub to help it all get washed away. I don’t know how well that worked out for those tasked with cleaning him up, to be honest, but as they say, it is the thought that counts.

The other thing that he went to great lengths to explain to his therapist was that it was not her fault. He had been working with this woman for many years and ridden out many of his deep depressive episodes with her. She had helped him to live a life worth living, and he was deeply appreciative of it. However, he had come to realize that he was just tired of it all. He was tired of the disruptions his depressions would make in his life. They had done all they could do to treat his illness: he was on medication, he was seeing his therapist, he was doing everything “right,” but his depressive episodes would still recur. It was, well, frankly, depressing. He had come to the conclusion that this was as good as it was going to get, he was tired, and he just didn’t want to do it any more.

Amongst all the disbelief, I understood. Although, my own “journey,” which I just think of as my life, by the way, with my mental health struggles had yet to reach that depth, I understood how it could wear you down. It made sense to me.

This was before autism was well known or talked about very much, and I had no idea that I was autistic. I hadn’t even realized that one of my chief problems was anxiety. At the time, I thought I was bipolar, but that is a story for another blog post.

Autism Burnout

My friend’s neighbor, though, and my own “journey” with mental illness helped me understand a term that I stumbled upon this month, autism burnout. I immediately knew what it meant and immediately realized the role it had played in my own life.

Burnout

In general, burnout is that mental state in which the individual becomes so exhausted that they experience decreased motivation, lower levels of performance, and increased negativity in their attitude. Burnout is caused by a workload that is beyond your capacity over a prolonged period of time.

Burnout with the Autism Twist

Autism burnout is very similar. Its symptoms include, physical issues like fatigue, changes in sleep patterns, and body aches. Cognitive problems like dithering with decisions, otherwise known as procrastination, being unable to focus, and an increase in executive disfunction. And emotional distress like increases in stress, anxiety, and emotional regulation. In short, the autistic person experiences decreased motivation, lower levels of performance, and increased negativity in their attitude.

Instead of being caused by a workload that you can’t cope with, it is caused by living in a world that doesn’t accommodate your needs, but demands that you accommodate its needs. Autistic people live their lives masking their symptoms, trying to appear neuroconvergent even though they are neurodivergent. It is stressful and, eventually, all of that relentless pressure and endless effort causes burnout.

Autism Burnout: What is it Really Like?

Unmotivated and Overwhelmed

You wake up one morning and you find that just can’t do it any more. You can’t make yourself go out and face the world. You’re exhausted. You just want to stay in bed. Or, everything you’ve got to do — outside of your morning pee — including brushing your teeth and other hygiene routines are just too difficult to do.

Selective Mutism

This sounds like depression, but it isn’t. I used to think I was depressed, but few of the treatments of depression seemed to help. In addition, your autistic symptoms — they vary mightily among people with autism — are no longer maskable. I would find myself being very emotionally fragile and completely unable to cope with the simplest of human interactions. I was sure that the shop clerks and cashiers of the world hated me and would much rather me not come in and buy anything from them. It was like having terminal shyness. I just couldn’t make myself talk. I couldn’t bring myself to ask for what I wanted.

Impaired Executive Functioning

I literally couldn’t make a decision about what to do like whether or not to go to work, and when you’re living paycheck-to-paycheck working a minimum wage job, that’s a problem. I went through jobs like most people do houseplants — unless you’re a plant person, and then maybe like you would a loaf of bread. I don’t know. Frequently. My mileage varied. Some places I stayed a year or eighteen months, others three months or only weeks. Some places I just quit showing up for work, others I gave notice, and still others I’d just walk out of.

Overcoming Autism Burnout

Finding a Tolerable Environment

I’ve gotten better over the years. I’ve taught in South Korea for just over ten years at the same job. All of my teaching jobs have been from four to six years. We’ve left those jobs because we wanted to move country for a variety of reasons, but not because of autism burnout.

Part of the reason is that masking is a lot easier when you’re immersed in a culture that is not your own. You don’t need to act as neuroconvergent as you did in your home culture. The pressure to conform is just not there. As a foreigner, you’re not expected to know local customs or more easily forgiven for mistakes. Being alone is a lot easier. Picking and choosing when and where to socialize with people is a lot easier.

School as a Supportive Environment

The school environment, as a teacher, is a lot easier for me to navigate. I primarily interact with my students. Our relationship is well defined. I’m in control of most of my interactions with students. I’ll never be anyone’s favorite teacher, and that’s okay with me.

My interactions with colleagues can be kept at a professional level. I can sit quietly at the back of the room during meetings. All that’s expected is that I be ready for class, meet my documentation requirements, deliver my lessons, and everybody is happy.

At first, it seemed so unlikely that I could find happiness in schools. I was a very neurodivergent teenager determined not to mask for anyone, to use autistic parlance, but everyone thought of me as an eccentric rebel, too non-conformist to hang out with all the other non-conformists because that would be conforming. Somehow my classmates and teachers tolerated me just like my students and colleagues tolerate me now.

The Importance of Family Support

Having a family that accommodates your needs makes coping with the neuroconvergent world a lot easier. Ma Belle Femme has helped me navigate the world. Our skills and weaknesses have complimented each others. Ma Petite Fille has helped me have greater insight into my autism — diagnosing her, helped me diagnose myself — and providing her with the acceptance and understanding that I rarely felt like I received throughout my life has been incredibly healing for me and has led to a better life, so far, for her.

Without the social supports that I’ve had over the past thirty years, though, I don’t know where I’d be. If I had to live in the States, I don’t think I would be as happy or healthy. There are few safe harbors where a burned out autistic or neurodivergent person can find refuge there. With RFK’s autism registries becoming a thing, there are likely to be fewer of them as our society descends into increasing amounts of cruelty and exploitation.

Image Attribution

This image was found on Public Domain Pictures using a DuckDuckGo Creative Commons image search.