You knew when the Ol’ Pussy Grabber won, it was going to be a wild ride. We didn’t know what exact contours of the shock waves that his caustic chaotic confusion that he would unleash upon the government, country, and the world, but, just like watching a nuclear blast on the horizon, you knew the wave was coming accompanied by the horror of debris and fire as well as the invisible and far more dangerous contaminants and the long-term damage that will haunt the survivors. We knew it was coming and had all the horror stemming from awaiting the inevitable horror.
The Issues of the Shutdown
Let me review the issues around this shutdown: Everybody wants to help the Dreamers. Everybody wants to fund the military, especially given the egregious training and deployment disasters we’ve experienced recently. Everybody wants to get Americans healthcare. Everybody thinks deficit spending is bad. So, gee, we should be able to do all of that. We’re all mature, intelligent people who at least “agree” on these broad goals. Surely, we should be able to compromise and come up with a solution to these problems.
I mean, right? We’re a democracy, and compromise with the minority party is what makes democracy work and separates it from all other authoritarian forms of government.
The first consideration is that we’ve known these impasses were coming for months and years. This particular one, we’ve known of for three weeks. Adults with strong executive functioning skills or even mediocre ones, should be able to avoid the situation altogether. Of course, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber with his extreme executive dysfunction and his contrarian narcissism was hoping for a shutdown, cuz he likes him some chaos and consternation. They make good excuses for failure and doing nothing.
Senator Rand Paul
Right now, we’ve been shut down for about 15 minutes, and everyone is staring daggers at Senator Rand Paul (R-Convenient Libertarianism) for not letting them pass their hypocritical bill. So, why is Rand being so mean! Why won’t he let the Repube Senators be the heroes of the shutdown? Apparently, Rand’s chronic spinal affliction is acting up and he finds himself with a terminal stiffy run up his ass. He’s pulling a publicity stunt so he can pretend like he has a chance of winning the presidency next time. Okay, so his arrogant narcissistic self-delusion is pushing him to be a right prick. But, tomorrow’s headline will be Randy stands on principle and won’t let the dysfunctional hypocritical Congress blow up the already blowed up budget — the unneeded and unwanted permanent tax cut for the super wealthy already took care of that. So, good one, Rand. That’s a principled stand. But, maybe Ms. Dr. Paul will hold her nose and put on her sleep mask and let him do what ever he fussily does with her.
The Ol’ Pussy Grabber
Much has been made of the Ol’ Pussy Grabber snoozing through the shutdown drama. Okay, he wasn’t snoozing. His favorite Russian pee-hooker was smuggled into the country and she’s been pissing all over the Resolute Desk and our American values while the Ol’ Pussy Grabber watches safely from the couch while he giggles and blushes… allegedly, but you know it’s true.
You’d think that a real strong visionary committed leader and negotiator and stable genius would be able to put a cork in the hooker for a minute and grab the pain in the Rand by the pussy and lean in real close so Randy can feel his breath on his neck and ear and smell the grease still clinging to his fingers, lips, and lapels and whisper in his husky voice and strangely small round mouth Hey! Get the vote over with and I’ll share the pee-hooker with you. Besides, this bill is important to me. You gatta take this one in the pussy for me, Randy. That’s what a common Obama would do. The real master of this shit, el BJ, would take his voodoo doll testicles of the offending senator out of the bottom drawer of his desk and squeeze ’em really slow like while projecting his disturbingly low-pitched baritone chuckle directly into his auditory cortex. But, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber can’t even muster up the abilities of Obama or Clinton much less el BJ, so he just sits stewing in his executive dysfunction unable to tear him away from the pee hooker creating a veritable fountain of uric acid laced fluids on the Resolute Desk.
Senator Mitch McConnell
The animatronic wax dummy that is Mitch McConnell (R-Empty Soul) is motivated by his desire to pull a fast one on the dumb Dems by stringing them along with his DACA lie. Ha ha! Those ding dang dumb Dems will vote for this bill thinking I’m going to allow a DACA bill! He can barely talk for giggling over his evil cleverness and he certainly can’t handle the gavel because he can’t stop rubbing his hands together all Gargamel-like.
Seriously, I think the devil done sucked all the soul and liquids from Mitch leaving him an empty hollow husk of a person who cares for no one and no thing. Complete psychopath but with relatively effective executive functioning.
Representative Paul Ryan
The wee-worm, Paul Ryan (R-Mirror Mirror on the Wall), can’t pull himself away from his endless primping as the handsomest muscliest wonkiest Congress critter god ever graced the Congress with! Paul definitely over estimates his skills, abilities, and interests, and always blames someone else for his failures of leadership and ideas. That makes him a narcissistic personality disorder. He’s not malignant like the Ol’ Pussy Grabber. And he has at least a modicum of executive functioning which he uses any time he finds himself hrumphing out of view of a mirror.
Has anyone ever managed her caucus worser, inepter, or emptier than Paul? Has there ever been a policy wonk devoider of ideas and insights and understanding of any issue facing the country? And, it ain’t ever his fault. Narcissism to a tee.
Representative Nancy Pelosi
The filibustering Nancy Pelosi (D-“Heart”) stamped her little feet and waved her little fists in the air and she gave that empty-headed Paul Ryan a piece of her mind and proved to the country that she cared! CARED! I mean, she really cares. Like really really cares about all them there Dreamers and can’t believe she believed that lying no good snake, Mitch McConnell’s promise that Paul Ryan would take up a DACA bill! How could she be expected to know that Mitch couldn’t affect what happened in the House? Hunh? It’s not like she ever ran the House or anything.
She does care. She pulled her publicity stunt to try and string Dreamers and immigrants and immigrant sympathizers until they can all stuff ballot boxes with voter fraud for Dems in 2018 but ha ha! Jokes on her! The Repubes have contracted with the Russians to ensconce them in a permanent majority! No body democracies better than the Repubes!