Given the Pussy Grabber’s recent statement about re-initiating the nuclear arms race and cavalier attitudes about the use of nuclear weapons he expressed during the campaign and weird and unhealthy relationship he has with Putin — they both released statements about engaging in a nuclear arms race within days of each other. Coincidence? Paranoid minds know it isn’t.
Couple these points with the effect the infamous Comey letter had on the election outcome (a very real shift towards the Pussy Grabber in the last two-weeks of the election), we can now make a very reasonable claim that Anthony Weiner’s dick will lead to the end of the world.
Well, fuck. Ain’t that just marvelous. What the fuck Anthony? Just what the fucking fuck, man?
Just what is behind the dick pic urge? Why do men send women pictures of their junk? Feel free to speculate wildly or make confessions in the comments, y’all!
Like most sexual phenomena the causes are probably complex and vary from individual to individual, but there are several commonalities and, as always, psychology has something to add to understanding this whole thing.
No One Wants to See Yo Junk
First, let’s just get this out of the way: Ain’t no woman wants to look at a picture of your dick, man. They just don’t. You have to accept this idea like you accept gravity and the phases of the moon or the tides or other complex sciencey stuff that no one really understands.
The Dopamine of Dix Pix
Weiner — how appropriately named is that dude? I mean, do you think his name has anything to do with his compulsion to send pictures of his dick to anyone and everyone? Do you think he ever sent a picture of his dick to Clinton? Huma? Comey? the Pussy Grabber? — has claimed a sex addiction that makes him do it. Many people doubt the existence of sex addiction at least in the same way that people can be addicted to alcohol and drugs. It is more of a dopamine-based compulsion more akin to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Why is this important? Because a good diagnosis leads to an effective treatment. And can save you lots of cash from going to a sex addiction treatment center and come out with your compulsion intact and your bank account empty.
Can all the assholes out there sending pictures of their dicks to unsuspecting women on Tinder, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, and other social media platforms be sex addicts? Probably not. Most of them are just assholes.
Sadistic Misogynistic Mo’ Fo’s
One of the more likely contenders for why men send dic pics (shouldn’t this be the actual way to refer to the phenomenon instead of dick pic? And we could use dix pix for the plural because that would be cool, right? Feel free to agree or disagree or make your own suggestions for other ways to label this important social media phenomenon in the comments) is everyday sadism.
As it turns out, your everyday garden variety run-of-the-mill online troll is motivated by sadism. Their main goal is to cause consternation, discomfort, anger, fear, and other negative emotions in their targeted audience. Probably, many of the men sending pictures of their penises to women want the same thing. They want the women to be upset by an unwanted, unsolicited, and unappreciated picture of their dicks.
There is more than a little misogyny mixed into the practice. My google search for the history and causes of the dick pic turned up precious little with the exception of a Refinery 29 article, Real Dick Pic Senders Explain Why They Do It. Some of the respondents had some insight beyond, chicks dig it. They realized that they did it to upset women. They felt ignored or even disliked by the women on various social media dating sites. So, like most toddlers, they concluded that any kind of attention was better than no attention, so they go for the sure fire, Ew what kind of creep are you? response. If you ever felt assaulted by a dick pic, it is because you were! #silverlining, amirite?
Empty Headed Zero Theory of Mind
Then there is the failure of theory of mind. Theory of mind is the concept that states we each have an idea of what other people are thinking and feeling. We can project onto others emotional and rational responses that may differ from our own. Many of these men lack a theory of mind. They seem to be operating off of the quaint notion that they like seeing pictures of anonymous women’s genitals, so women will like seeing pictures of theirs. They seem to think that since they are turned on by pornography, women will be, too. They seem to think that since they will lose their minds and become overwhelmed by their desire — the blood rushing from their brains to their dicks makes rational thought and impulse control damn near impossible — when they see pictures of nekkid women, women will respond in kind despite any personal experience to the contrary. In fact, despite ample evidence that this just isn’t the case. Imagine believing, just one glimpse of my raging hardon, and she’ll swoon into my arms and beg me to ravage her. Right. Like that scenario exists outside of pornography.
Socially Obligated to be Raped
And then there is the dick-for-twat obligation. I sent you a picture of mine, now you have to send me a picture of yours. This is the whole, I bought you dinner and a movie now you have to fuck me rape culture bullshit projected onto modern social media platforms. Unfortunately, women are acculturated to succumbing to this type of social pressure and guilt and some will comply, especially the younger ones, amirite, Anthony Weiner? That’s why younger women are so popular with a certain type of guy.
Well, I guess there is a corollary to this one and that is the Spike Lee, Please Baby, Please Baby, Please Baby, Please approach. It is that if you seem pathetic enough — and good god, y’all, men are seeming pretty damn pathetic as of this writing — someone will take pity on you and put out (the infamous pity fuck) or send you a picture of their tits or pussy so you can spread it on social media and slut shame them for the rest of their lives because you are a sadistic misogynous fuck.
The last insight I have is the age old Do you wanna fuck? approach to seduction: if you ask every woman you meet if she wants to fuck, you’ll eventually find one who does. If you send enough dick pics to women, you’ll eventually get one back.
Seriously, guys, dix pix only work on the gay scene proving, once again, that straight men wish they were having sex like gay men do.
Well, shit, now that I’m pretty thoroughly depressed by realizing that I am a card carrying member of male idiocy, I’m off to send out a few dozen dix pix to unsuspecting women to help me feel better about my existence. Leave a note in the comments, if you want one.
Tuesday 27 December
There are some pretty funny, weird, disgusting, and, sometimes, helpful social media sites on dix pix. Here’s one that I think most women will find helpful, Bye Felipe, on Instagram. It is a site devoted to women posting the disgusting things men send them on the Interwebs. The site is run by Alexandra Tweten. It can be cathartic. It can be harrowing. It can let you know that you are not alone. And, it can leave you feeling ashamed of many men out there.
Alexandra also runs a website, Bye Felipe in which she and Eileen Beard co-host a pod cast making light of horrid dating stories.
Categories: Violence Against Women
I enjoyed reading 📖 this.. thanks for your insight.. cause even at my age I’m ask to send pic.. of course my answer is hell no.. but still grown men acting like kids.. smh 🤦♂️..
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I am not quite sure how to rate your comment because while I “get” your humor, it’s still a little difficult to jump out of my Jane Austen literary world and into the colloquial expressiveness of your posts. I don’t find your style upsetting, just different from my usual reading material. LOL A little rougher around the edges than my usual reads. But, still poignant.
However, I feel compelled to answer your post. Mainly because one of my two husbands that I divorced was a sex addict and believe me it is indeed a real thing. I had to go to a therapist after my divorce to try to understand the whole bizarre addiction thing. It IS real. I also think your “empty headed zero theory of mind” is part of that as well.(A great theory BTW). I think many people fall into that category, but men who are obsessed with sex have that mind set as well and truly think that way all the time. But, the difference between just that mind set and an addict is pretty much this… when their sex life or bizarre behavior takes over their entire lives and they cannot live without their porn, or strip clubs or in Anthony W’s case, taking pictures of his private parts, and It becomes more important than their work, their family, their entire world. When their daily life cannot be lived unless they do their drug of choice… For some of those SA it may be voyeurism, actual encounters,porn, sexting whatever it is, when that infiltrates their work and life and nothing else is a priority, you know they are addicts. Sounds crazy, right? I thought so too until I discovered I was married to a man who had a secret life. Weird as all get out!!! So as disgusting as Anthony is, I understand him and how sick he is. And the fool just won’t get help. Sheesh! He made it easy for the GOP to target him and cause one of many bogus HRC scandals.
You are also correct in that most women do NOT want to be sent photos of male genitalia. I assume there are a few out there who actually would want to participate in that because it would be absurd to think every women on earth is like I am. (The kind of woman who doesn’t want to receive porn photos via email or text. ) But to be fair, let’s just say that unless asked, MOST women don’t want to receive Anthony W pics. ( I know I wouldn’t, EWWW).
But one would also assume AW would go to therapy for his problem since it lost him a great deal of his public life and credibility and finally ruined his marriage. Unfortunately, the problem is, that these addicts don’t want to change, don’t think what they are doing is such a bad thing, and that everyone else is over reacting. They truly believe that, even as their world slowly disintegrates into becoming strictly about gratification, or whatever their addiction is.( Be it gambling, alcohol drugs etc.) It’s hard to understand, I know. But It IS real. I talked at length with a professional trying to understand what had happened to the person I married and then divorced.
And when Anthony took photos in front of his young son without any regard or responsiblity, his wife finally understood his problem was dangerous to their marriage and to their family. Luckily my situation wasn’t public and my children weren’t affected. But I wasn’t as busy as his wife was so I was able to notice the behavior getting bizarre. Plus nobody slut shames me!! They wouldn’t dare! However, there are women out there too afraid to say anything and that was, I assume part of AW’s thrill. I would have divorced the SOB at the discovery of the first photo he sent. But then that’s me.
And in answer to your last comment. NO! Please do not send me a weird photo.I don’t want it and will report you if you do. As should all women who receive anything inappropriate from anyone, male or female. In this technological world we live in we must protect ourselves.
A very interesting post and a good one. Actually more understanding of the female perspective than I would have assumed. 🙂
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Thank you for your thoughtful and thought provoking response. There is a genuine debate in the psychological world debating whether sex, gambling, or shopping can be addicting. They fall more in the realm of compulsions which is driven by dopamine. Interestingly, some alcoholics, but not all, can be helped by taking OCD drugs. They look very similarly on the outside — actions, behaviors, words, manipulation — but there probably is a difference between taking a chemical substance that will alter your brain chemistry and engaging in a behavior that overstimulates a brain circuit. Whether from your point-of-view as a spouse that makes a difference is immaterial. However, in treatment it makes a world of difference.
There are women who will participate in sexting with strangers just as there are women who will have sexual encounters with strangers, but not enough to explain the sheer outrageous number dick pics being sent. In fact, in doing my research for the article, it was the number of dick pics sent and received — nearly 100% of women participating in the photo-based social media platforms report receiving unwanted pictures from strangers. When PG confessed to sexual assault to Bush, the number of women in the media and working in politics who reported having had just those experiences with well-known politicians is was astounding. It is an issue that is terribly underreported and part of the reason dick pics are such a problem is the anonymity and impulse control. I know from my own experiences with pornography that it is that dopamine-based desire for just one more plays a huge role. It is the desire for the next one. There is a pay-off with the behavior which reinforces it a la operant conditioning.
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Your response was thoughtful as well. Thank you. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that there are so many of those pics out there, especially in the political arena. But my world is probably a bit more naive than that of Capitol Hill. What I HAVE learned is that normality adjusts itself to the Addict’s perception or behavior. Most people are capable of fooling themselves or deceiving themselves to justify anything.
I’m retired from teaching now, but I suppose someone might have accused me, like many working women, of having too many shoes and matching handbags. Yes, many women do splurge on their outfits and accessories and then try to justify it. While it typically doesn’t hurt or infringe on anyone else, I imagine it probably could, if a woman chose a 1200 dollar handbag over paying the mortgage. So impulse control can indeed go awry. (I am trying to put myself in the head of someone who has impulse issues but honestly, other my morning coffee, that’s all I could think of as a sort of possibility. Lol) I am certainly not an expert in addiction. Just a woman who got out of a relationship and tried to understand why lap dances were more important than our son’s college fund. Why my home was refinanced and my signature forged. Why a supposedly rational man would deplete our son’s college fund and I was clueless about it all. So I tried to learn and understand the illness and had to realize none of that was my fault. Addict’s can be calculating and clever and their own needs come before those of the ones they love. Anthony W is, to me a pathetic figure. I imagine in his mind his only regret is that he was caught and outed. I, of course, feel for his wife. Who obviously did not ever think her child would be in danger because her husband liked taking porn pics.
Luckily, I learned something as a child from my dearly departed Jewish mother. She told me early on in life, “Lesley don’t be a shmatah! Not ever!!” Basically she was telling me I mattered and was valuable and to never let anyone walk all over me. (a shmatah is a rag you wipe the floor with). So her simple Yiddish phrase had a great deal of wisdom in it. Women and men need to stand up against those who offend them or wrong them in any capacity. And we must not let others devalue us. AND most importantly, if people we care about will not help themselves we need to not blame ourselves, but separate ourselves from their addiction before they destroy us. I was financially destroyed but not emotionally or spiritually destroyed. So I was lucky.
I suppose in writing this it helped clarify and reinforce my actions . My goal now, is to let other women learn to be a bit wiser. To Always be in control of your own finances, be aware of behavior and stay true to yourself and your instincts. Gee, All this from your post about AW pics. Who knew? Great therapy session. 😉Thanks. Your post, while very witty and clever, evoked wisdom and for me,reflection. But beyond that You taught some good lessons in between the lines! Gracias!
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Testosterone must be a hell of a drug!
I am aware that there are also female “sex addicts” – but few are satisfied by sending pussy-pix to anyone in their phone books – more likely to handle their “urges” privately or seek a willing victim in a bar. One of my exes (relationships, not marriages), a pretty hi-T guy himself, was assigned to follow the Weiner mishegas, and even he didn’t get it – despite the fact that he was “up close and professional.”
In any case, my leanings are more toward the manner in which you distinguish addiction vs compulsion – tho’ both can ruin marriages, careers and lives. And no, thank you, not open to having anybody’s private parts on my turf – male or female. Lovin’ your site, however.
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
OMG!! this one had me laughing so hard , I barely made it to the bathroom……sigh Men! can;t live with em and I can’t shoot em
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I KNOW, crazy, right? You don’t want to visit some Instagram pages because of their “content.” I can’t unsee what I’ve seen doing the research for this post.
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