Festivus

Festivus 2022: There’s Still Time!!1!


Howdy y’all!

It’s Festivus time AGAIN! Where’d the year go? Anywho, as the ol’ employer is now on Festivus Break, Ye Olde Blogge is putting together a late breaking set of the Festivus cards that all y’all have come to rely upon every year since 2017! Practically the inception of the blog.

Before we get to the money shot, we’ll go through a bit of the history of Festivus both in the world and here on Ye Olde Blogge. And, a how-to explainer on how you can put together your very own Festivus celebration! As always, discuss in the comments!

Festivus History

The History of Festivus

SEINFELD. The history of Festivus has been well documented on the Interwebs. It all started back in 1997 on an episode of Seinfeld’s final season called The Strike (Episode 10, aired on 18 December 1997). In the episode, a Festivus card from George’s parents is opened in front of Jerry and Elaine. We find out that Festivus was a holiday created by his father, Frank Constanza. While the traditions and customs are never fully explained, we find out the following:

  • It is Festivus! The festival for the rest of us!
  • It was started as an answer to the commercialism of Christmas.
  • It involves the following items:
    • The Airing of Grievances occurs during Festivus dinner where you let the other guests about the problems that you had with them.
    • The Feats of Strength ends Festivus. The guests have to compete in some type of physical struggle. In the episode, Frank wants to wrestle his son, George.
    • The main decoration is the Festivus Pole. It’s made from aluminum. Very high strength to weight ratio, according to Frank. It is undecorated because Frank is distracted by tinsel.
  • It is celebrated on 23 December.
  • It may involve a meatloaf as the traditional dish. It is unclear from the episode.

THE PRE-SEINFELD HISTORY. One of the writers for the show, Dan O’Keefe, brought Festival to the show. His father originated the idea. Dan was as embarrassed as George is by the holiday, but his brother told the other writers about it, and presto-change-o, the episode was born!

Festivus and Ye Olde Blogge

Shortly after the inception of the blog back in May 2016, I started to look for annual events that could become “traditions” to help keep the blog anchored and to give my time structure. One of those traditions became Festivus in the fall of 2017. Following is an annotated list of the posts:

How to Festivus!

There is barely enough time to get your Festivus together for 2022, but plenty of time to procrastinate until about this time next year to put Festivus 2023 together. Here’s what you’ll need:

  • DECORATIONS. Here are all the decorations you’ll need:
    • A FESTIVUS POLE. The hard part about the Festivus Pole is getting the damn thing to stand on its own. Share your solutions in the comments. This was a Seinfeld special, and not part of the O’Keefe’s tradition.
    • CLOCK IN A PLASTIC BAG. This was an O’Keefe family tradition that didn’t make it into Seinfeld, but you can go OG on everyone with it. Besides, it’s easier than the damn pole, right?
  • FESTIVUS DINNER.
    • CONSTANZA STYLE: Serve what you want, but Mrs. Constanza served meatloaf.
    • O’KEEFE STYLE: They served turkey and pecan pie. Go figure.
  • AIRING OF GRIEVANCES. Remember, this is supposed to be fun, so go best man speech at a wedding reception rather than anything that will really piss someone off. Do it early before anyone has had time to drink too much.
  • FEATS OF STRENGTH. Festivus doesn’t end until the Feats of Strength are concluded… or someone goes to the emergency room. I’m just saying.

Festivus Card

Airing of Grievances

Burnt Pizza” by isriya is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

Dropped Ice Cream” by Caro Wallis is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Disappointment…” by horrigans is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And, now you’re going to hear about it!

shout” by Krista Baltroka is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

SHOUT!” by Ian Sane is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

shout” by Another side of yukita is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Feats of Strength

feats of strength” by nsfmc is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Feats of Strength” by joshzam is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

The Festivus Pole

Feats of strength” by gregjanee is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

I find tinsel distracting” by theunabonger is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Festivus metal pole, in the natural.” by 57UD10 is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Festivus Pole” by Ted Van Pelt is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Share the joy of Festivus with the rest of us!

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  • Comment on your favorite holiday traditions no matter what you celebrate.
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3 replies »

  1. Most year’s 23 Dec is the New Year, this year it is the second day.

    Do have to admire how some traditions, regardless their vizard, have held up across the milleau. For example Santa Claus: firmly rooted as it is in the pagan tradition of Forest Man: the wildman who lives up in the mountains and only comes around field and farm in the winter, bearing furs and preserved meats to “console the women”. Little doo-dahs to mollify the children.

    Could do with a bit more debauchery these days …

    Liked by 1 person

    • Howdy Ten Bears!

      More debauchery would probably boost church attendance, especially by all us disaffected old ex-hippies. The yuts seem to be down on all things debauched, though. Less sex, less socializing, less alcohol, fewer drugs.

      The enduring success of a Santa Claus figure — “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” — just shows the importance of slipping a little meat to women now and again.

      Hoping that you are safe and well this holiday season.

      Huzzah!
      Jack

      Like

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