It’s Festivus time AGAIN! Where’d the year go? Anywho, as the ol’ employer is now on Festivus Break, Ye Olde Blogge is putting together a late breaking set of the Festivus cards that all y’all have come to rely upon every year since 2017! Practically the inception of the blog.
Before we get to the money shot, we’ll go through a bit of the history of Festivus both in the world and here on Ye Olde Blogge. And, a how-to explainer on how you can put together your very own Festivus celebration! As always, discuss in the comments!
The History of Festivus
SEINFELD. The history of Festivus has been well documented on the Interwebs. It all started back in 1997 on an episode of Seinfeld’s final season called The Strike (Episode 10, aired on 18 December 1997). In the episode, a Festivus card from George’s parents is opened in front of Jerry and Elaine. We find out that Festivus was a holiday created by his father, Frank Constanza. While the traditions and customs are never fully explained, we find out the following:
- It is Festivus! The festival for the rest of us!
- It was started as an answer to the commercialism of Christmas.
- It involves the following items:
- The Airing of Grievances occurs during Festivus dinner where you let the other guests about the problems that you had with them.
- The Feats of Strength ends Festivus. The guests have to compete in some type of physical struggle. In the episode, Frank wants to wrestle his son, George.
- The main decoration is the Festivus Pole. It’s made from aluminum. Very high strength to weight ratio, according to Frank. It is undecorated because Frank is distracted by tinsel.
- It is celebrated on 23 December.
- It may involve a meatloaf as the traditional dish. It is unclear from the episode.
THE PRE-SEINFELD HISTORY. One of the writers for the show, Dan O’Keefe, brought Festival to the show. His father originated the idea. Dan was as embarrassed as George is by the holiday, but his brother told the other writers about it, and presto-change-o, the episode was born!
Festivus and Ye Olde Blogge
Shortly after the inception of the blog back in May 2016, I started to look for annual events that could become “traditions” to help keep the blog anchored and to give my time structure. One of those traditions became Festivus in the fall of 2017. Following is an annotated list of the posts:
- How to Celebrate Festivus: 12 Steps (with Pictures) – wikiHow (14 December 2017). The VERY first post introduced us to the wikiHow article explaining how to get a Festivus Pole, what to have for Festivus dinner, the proper process for the Airing of Grievances, and what constitutes suitable Feats of Strength. All-in-all, a very informative article.
- Festivus Greeting Cards are Bound to Disappoint (17 December 2017). My first batch of Festivus greeting cards! I decided that a hedgehog made the most suitable animal to represent Festivus. I also encouraged everyone to contact Trump to Air Your Grievances. I was very disappointed that neither the cards nor the Trump idea went viral. I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! It was so disappointing that there wan’t another Festivus post until 2020.
- Festivus 2020: This Year was made for FESTIVUS! Come Celebrate with Ye Olde Blogge (4 December 2020). This is the post where a detailed history of Fesitvus is provided and the Seinfeld episode, The Strike, is embedded — no one ever watched it because buffering. Maybe this year there will be a Festivus Miracle and someone will. It also gave a thorough explanation of the traditions.
- Festivus 2020: Your Festivus Cards and Other Ideas for the Holiday for the Rest of Us (13 December 2020). This post had it all! A countdown clock, instructions on all things Festivus, and the cards!
- Coping with your MAGA Relatives during the Festivus Season (18 November 2021). This post was actually in response to two readers asking in the comments about how to cope with the MAGA relatives as we hesitantly gathered for Festivus dinners and celebrations again with the easing of #COVID19 restrictions. It is still applicable today as the day approaches.
- Whaz Up!?! Treading Water until Festivus (6 December 2021). Here is the short-lived Whaz Up!?! installment that referenced Festivus. I was barely going to make it to the break.
- Festivus Cards 2021 (18 December 2021). This post has the Festivus cards for the year.
- A Festivus for the Rest of Us: Ghosts of Festivuses Past (18 December 2021). It is even a more detailed annotation of these posts on Festivus. Eventually, all I’ll ever do is post an annotation of all the other Festivus posts.
How to Festivus!
There is barely enough time to get your Festivus together for 2022, but plenty of time to procrastinate until about this time next year to put Festivus 2023 together. Here’s what you’ll need:
- DECORATIONS. Here are all the decorations you’ll need:
- A FESTIVUS POLE. The hard part about the Festivus Pole is getting the damn thing to stand on its own. Share your solutions in the comments. This was a Seinfeld special, and not part of the O’Keefe’s tradition.
- CLOCK IN A PLASTIC BAG. This was an O’Keefe family tradition that didn’t make it into Seinfeld, but you can go OG on everyone with it. Besides, it’s easier than the damn pole, right?
- FESTIVUS DINNER.
- CONSTANZA STYLE: Serve what you want, but Mrs. Constanza served meatloaf.
- O’KEEFE STYLE: They served turkey and pecan pie. Go figure.
- AIRING OF GRIEVANCES. Remember, this is supposed to be fun, so go best man speech at a wedding reception rather than anything that will really piss someone off. Do it early before anyone has had time to drink too much.
- FEATS OF STRENGTH. Festivus doesn’t end until the Feats of Strength are concluded… or someone goes to the emergency room. I’m just saying.
Airing of Grievances
I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And, now you’re going to hear about it!
Feats of Strength
The Festivus Pole
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