Election 2024: Trump’s Juvenility Rallies Young Male Support

1. Trump’s Crude Rhetoric
   1. Grab ‘Em By The P****
   2. The Arnold Palmer Schlong Thing
   3. The Crude Sexual Comment of the Summer
2. Young Men: A Divided Electorate
   1. Understanding the Young Male Voter Demographic
   2. Less-Likely vs. More-Likely Young Male Voters
3. The Feculent Touch Strikes Again
4. Image Attribution

A lot has been made about the gender gap among the yutes of today and how our young men are supporting Trump. It is causing all kinds of conniption fits and angsty existential crises among the liberal hand-wringing class, who view it as one of the horsemen of the apocalypse as described by John in Revelation. It makes me wonder how these young men can support someone like Trump. The only answer that makes any sense to me is that Trump’s juvenile vulgarity and insolence resonates with their adolescent rebelliousness. Let’s don our industrial-grade hazmat suits and dive into some of the Old FART’s choicer statements.

Trump’s Crude Rhetoric

Grab ‘Em By The P****

Remember his comments on the 2005 Access Hollywood tape? It wasn’t just the crassness of the remark, it was quality of what he said, how he said it. It had all the sophistication and insight of a high school freshman trying to impress upperclassmen with their supposed “worldliness.”

I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. I just kiss. I don’t even wait. 

Seriously? Who talks like that? It’s perhaps the most cringe-worthy comment ever made. Is he the poster boy for incels? Jesus. To think he said that twenty years ago when he was 58 years old. He was in his prime then. He’s not some doddering old fool. He wasn’t a twenty year old university virgin grasping for manliness.

Seriously? Who talks like that? It’s perhaps the most cringe-worthy comment ever made. Is he the poster boy for incels? That twenty years ago when he was 58 — in his prime! How does something as awkward and embarrassing as that spill out of any orifice of anyone over the age of twelve?

The Arnold Palmer Schlong Thing

More recently, he opened a speech by rambling with unfortunate coherence — careful what you pray for, knowhatimean? — about Arnold Palmer. I guess he was trying to impress the locals in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, Palmer’s hometown with how… um… well… he knew Arnold Palmer?

Anywho, he finally reached all the way around Palmer and came up with this gem:

When he took the showers with other pros, they came out of there. They said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable’ … We have women that are highly sophisticated here, but they used to look at Arnold as a man.

What? What does being a highly sophisticated woman have to do with it? What exactly is “a highly sophisticated woman” anyway? Just… Maybe the Latrobians were so impressed by his intimate knowledge of Palmer’s choicer bits that it won their hearts and votes? I dunno. I guess we’ll find out.

The Crude Sexual Comment of the Summer

Shortly after it became clear that Harris was likely going to beat him, Trump did what the Old FART does best: he melted down and spewed his impotence all over the social media. It resulted in this vulgarity:

Funny how blowjobs impacted both their careers differently.

Nothing grabs a young man’s attention quite like a blowjob, am I right or am I right? I’m right, right? Whatever social cool points that witticism might have won him at the frat house or in the locker room was lost at the entryway to the campaign.

Young Men: A Divided Electorate

Understanding the Young Male Voter Demographic

While this type of gross crassness may appeal to certain young men—or even those of us still young at heart—it may not actually be translating into votes.

The Harvard Youth Poll indicates that Harris and the Democrats are likely to win the under-thirty vote, but Trump has been narrowing the margin by increasing his support from young men. Many of these young men feel socially and economically disconnected due to the #COVID19 lockdowns and the resulting economic malaise. They don’t see the Democratic Party addressing the issues and see Trump “more as an anti-hero than a villain.”

Less-Likely vs. More-Likely Young Male Voters

However, young men are not a monolith; there are shades of gray. We can divide young men into two broad groups: those less-likely and those more-likely to vote. According to MSNBC’s Inside with Jen Psaki, Harris is leading Trump by 17 points among “young men who say they ‘definitely will vote.'” It’s the definitely will vote part that is crucial here.

The less-likely-to-vote young men are often more attracted to the Old FART. When you think about it, it makes sense. Rebelliousness doesn’t exactly correlate with responsibility and commitment. These young men don’t trust “the Man,” the system, or our institutions. They are disaffected and disconnected.

The Feculent Touch Strikes Again

They might be willing to make fifty bucks sitting in a focus group, telling everyone how much they love Donald Trump. They may even tell a pollster they plan to vote for him. But when it comes down to it, how likely are they to actually vote? Not very.

It is no wonder that a generation of young male first-time-but-unlikely-voters favors Trump; he sounds just like them. But, we should not be worried that these young bucks are going to push the geriatric rebel into the Oval Office because that demographic suffers from the feculent touch that taints everything and everyone else Trump comes into contact with.

Image Attribution

This image was found on Rodney Dunning’s Flickr using a DuckDuckGo Creative Commons License search