Incels’ Delusions of Inadequacy

Sunday 29 April: Now with new and improved thoughts and conclusions!

The incels — involuntarily celibate for the initiated — have an ass backwards view of the world. I’m not just saying that because it’s true, either. I’m saying it because it’s true, if you know what I mean. Here, let me try and summarize their backassward views (I’m cribbing liberally from a Vox article, by the way):

Because of the sexual revolution, all women will only have sex with the ideal male. Incels refer to this ideal male as Chad as in, They only want Chads. Apparently, Chads are the quintessential Marlboro Man-types rugged good looks coupled with testosterone powered sex appeal. Because women now have aspirations of attaining sexual gratification with what would’ve been unattainable men before the sexual revolution, they, the non-ideal men, can no longer get laid.

Wow. What?

They see this as a new problem. Before the sexual revolution, men could manage and control women through slut shaming them, but now such openly libidinous behavior cannot be shamed. Ugly puny men can no longer manage women. Because the sex drought has been caused by a shift in the social paradigm, it can be corrected by returning to the pre-sexual revolution social paradigm. They will bring this about through an Incel Revolution or Beta Uprising. Mostly this means glorifying violence against women and cheering the mass murders as they occur.

Wait. What? How is this possible? I mean, this line of reasoning is fraught with fucked up logic and faulty conclusions, right? This is nuts, isn’t it? Let’s unpack some of this and psysplain it, shall we?

Reason #1: Autism?

When I was a young man, you know, of the young, dumb, and full of cum variety, and who wasn’t, amiright? I had trouble getting laid, too. My particular friend and I had described our situation as being celibate, involuntarily celibate, but celibate nonetheless. We thought ourselves very very witty at the time. However witty it was, it didn’t seem to help me get laid. Not even a pity fuck. So, I am both horrified by their use of a similar term and understanding of their situation. These guys are horny, they want to get laid, they just don’t know how. To me that sounds like autism.

Getting laid isn’t about physical attractiveness. It helps to be physically attractive, but social grace works even better — not that I would have ever experienced getting laid due to social skill because I have no real social grace or understanding of social interactions. It’s not that these guys are too ugly to fuck, they just aren’t playing the hand that God dealt them very well.

So, that’s number one. Incels are probably on the autism spectrum and are terrified of eye and physical contact. It could also be that some of them are depressed or schizophrenic or have other substantial mental health issues, too, but I’m willing to bet that most of them just don’t have the social equipment to monitor another person’s reaction to them and then nudge it in the seduction direction.

Reason #2: The Anchoring & Adjustment Heuristic

Number two, though, is also important. Number two is that they believe the hype. They believe everybody else is having a lot more sex than they really are, especially outside of a relationship. What with TV, movies, commercials, and social media, it is easy to imagine that everyone is hooking up left, right, and center every day multiple times a day. Everybody but you that is. But, they aren’t.

Any time you see a survey or media report about how much sex is ideal, you can be sure it is BS. People lie, especially in surveys. It’s easy to inflate or deflate the number of sex partners you’ve had and the frequency of sex you’re having to match what you think are expectations of either the surveyor or of yourself or everyone else in the world.

This erroneous impression fuels the anchoring and adjustment heuristic, or in this case bias. The idea is that when you’re asked to make a judgment concerning a probability of something occurring, you start with what you think you know and then make an adjustment based on circumstances. How big is the average dick? You think of the dicks you’ve seen — for straight men this usually means porn — and make an estimate for their size and go from there. No wonder the Ol’ Pussy Grabber worries that his size is inadequate.

Incels think about the sex they see in the popular media, and base their estimate of how much sex everyone is having on that. It’s a LOT!!?! And, then they look at themselves and conclude that they should be having a lot, too.

People are notoriously bad at estimating probability, and this method is way fucked. No wonder these guys feel so inadequate.

Reason #3: Representative Bias

Incels confuse the individual with the group. Each and every individual gets to decide who she will have sex with. No one gets to decide that for her. It doesn’t matter that if you aggregate the sexual behavior of every woman, one segment of the population gets to have sex more often than another segment. The individual is not responsible for the aggregate behavior of the group.

Indulging your angry frustration is not going to solve the problem unless you think prison sex — correspond with Mr. Minassian after he’s incarcerated for insights there — is going to be more frequent, more satisfying, and all round better than the sex you’re not having while you sit on your pity pot.

These guys are acting like we as a group have some control over who attractive promiscuous women will have sex with. There is no societal decision making. Societal choices get made, but not by us making conscious choices. Societal trends are determined by a myriad of social forces. In this case, one of the biggest culprits is the pill and other more effective and less intrusive birth control methods. Because of the birth control options available to women, they can have sex like men can. And, you know what? They do. And you know what else? That’s okay!

So, these incels have taken Sex in the City as an accurate reflection of reality and the behavior of one or two fictional women as being representative of women as a group. This is known as representative biasIt works like this: Is she a slut? How closely does she match the incel stereotype of a slut? She’s a woman, therefore, she’s a slut, therefore, she will only fuck a Chad. They even have a term for their stereotype of women, Stacys. Stacy is the attractive promiscuous woman who will only fuck Chads and reject incels as being too ugly to fuck.

Does any of this match any of your experiences? It doesn’t match mine in the least. And it doesn’t match reality. There are no such thing as a Stacy or a Chad. These are only constructs of the pathetic incel imagination to reinforce their warped interpretation of the world.

The Real Problem Incels Have

ARS Electonica Festival, Synthea Amatus, Rape, Sexual Assault, Samantha, AI Sex Dolls, All Men

Raping an AI Sexbot

Sex therapists will tell you that there is no magic number for the amount of sex you should have or how many sex partners you should have or the type of sex you should have. There just isn’t. We vary too much as individuals.

Sex therapists will tell you that sex is something that is shared. It takes at least two people. So, begin with a connection to another human being. Develop intimacy and then you’ve got a much greater chance of not only having sex with someone, but having satisfying sex with that someone.

Incels seem to have problems with the intimacy part of the equation. They don’t seem to want to make connections, they want… maybe they don’t know what they want. They want anonymous sex? They want sex without intimacy? Maybe they should see prostitutes? They seem to talk a lot about sex robots and sex dolls. Maybe they want those things?

But, most people want to have intimacy in their lives. Mind numbing marathon stranger sex is great for a weekend or so, but most of us want to have a partner that we can love and connect to in addition to just pounding into the ground.

This fear of intimacy if you’ll allow me to use such a cliche degrades any empathy they might have for any individual woman they encounter; thus, making it (a) even more difficult for them to develop any type of connection with another human being and (b) more likely that they will harm a woman that they encounter.

The incel community seems ready made for the type of disaster that Alek Minassian and Elliot Rodger perpetrated. They are a closed isolated community already hyper-focused on their own needs, which leaves vulnerable to one of my favorite concepts, that’s right, groupthink! Then one of them goes out and commits an atrocity, and others have their empathy further degraded. Murdering and raping women becomes more normal and more acceptable.

They have developed this collective knowledge of how the world works and it excludes them. They reinforce that world and after convincing themselves that they are victims, they lose any empathy they have for women in general or specific women, which justifies their angry abusive threatening and sometimes violent lashing out.

Most of their arguments in favor of sex slaves smacks of motivated reasoning, which is the tendency to find excuses to justify your conclusion after you’ve come to the conclusion. They’re working hard to justify their ride on the pity pot, their surfing their waves of anger and frustration. They then maintain their snit fit by arguing that they are too owed sex and women had better give it to them or we’re all in big trouble, mister.

After all of this, if you have the stomach for more on the goings on in their online communities, and more details on their beliefs, see this excellent Vox article.

Incel, the misogynist ideology that inspired the deadly Toronto attack, explained

The Toronto attack was terrorism. Here’s why.

Alek Minassian, the man who killed 10 people by driving a van down a busy street in Toronto on Monday, is a terrorist.

We know this because he told us so. On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook confirmed the authenticity of a post in his name, in which he pledged allegiance to something called the “Incel Rebellion.” This is not an organized militant group but rather an ideal developed by the so-called “incel” movement — an online community of men united by their inability to convince women to have sex with them. (“Incel” stands for “involuntarily celibate.”)

Some self-identified incels, as they call themselves, have developed an elaborate sociopolitical explanation for their sexual failures, one that centers on the idea that women are shallow, vicious, and only attracted to hyper-muscular men. They see this as a profound injustice against men like them, who suffer an inherent genetic disadvantage through no fault of their own. A small radical fringe believes that violence, especially against women, is an appropriate response — that an “Incel Rebellion” or “Beta [Male] Uprising” will eventually overturn the sexual status quo.

To continue reading, please go to Vox: Incel, the ideology behind the Toronto attack, explained – Vox

12 replies »

  1. When I first heard of “incels” I felt a bit of pity for them- I too remember feeling quite inadequate in my late teens and 20s due to having acne and Tourette’s and various mental problems, probably even the same “dysmorphophobia” the Incels seem to suffer, even though I was actually decent looking and had been with a few women by 17, and been in long term relationships in my 20’s. Now I should mention, feeling inadequate for me didn’t translate into hating women at all! But I’ll never forget, that feeling sucks. So at first, it was easy to feel empathy for the Incels.

    However, when I took the time to actually read what these guys talk about (I scrolled a few pages on incels.me)… it is TERRIFYING.

    First of all, it’s evident right away that they view women as property, similar to how Islam treats it’s women. But of course it gets creepier quickly… They openly advocate rape, rape-dungeons filled with teen girls, slashing good looking people in the face and splashing acid on “roasties” (their lame term for slutty girls). And racist too. They put down men of colour as “currycels and ricecels” and straight up call certain races subhuman (similar to, ironically, both neo nazis and the self hating whites of the Cult of Intersectionality!)

    I thought that was it, but no… many of them are paedophiles, too! So we’re at misogynistic, violent, paedophilic, how about terroristic? They could “Go ER” at any time (Elliot Rogers attack reference there) Couples HOLDING HANDS trigger them. A couple making out in a park triggered one into a meltdown. Imagine what they’d do if they lived in an apartment and their neighbour had loud sex!!

    I have a daughter. And a mother and a sister and female relatives and friends. To know that these men see my FAMILY as just some disposable sluts makes me want to choke the life out of each and every one of those goofs. But they are cowards and work in the shadows until they decide to lash out against people for the crime of not being miserable like them, these guerilla tactics are what makes these wimpy males scary.

    (And it’s not just leftists who don’t like the whole idea of Incels. I’m not a feminist, I’m a libertarian who supported Trump.)

    What I think the Incels’ problem is, is not looks, but NEGATIVITY. First of all, why the fuck SHOULD women want to fuck you if you’re so miserable? That’s no fun and women will and should avoid you for being a 100% negative, bitter person.

    And I believe strongly (and some interpretations of quantum physics such as Bohm’s seem to suggest) that negative thinking brings negative results and positivity will get you ahead. It is literally “all up to you” if you know this fact.

    Every single thing they say is doom and gloom. As the great George Clinton says in one of the most amazing songs ever made… “good thoughts bring forth good fruit… bullshit thoughts rot your meat!”
    (that’s taken from an amazing little book from 1901 called As A Man Thinketh… all Incels ought to read that book and have a long hard look at their attitude and where it’s got them!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The thing that pisses me off is that they think there are no married dishwashers, teachers or garbage men. I married an IT pro, who is 5 foot 2. We have female friends from all walks of life who are married and the men are not male models. Those incel men have issues of their own making. The day they recognize this is the day they take a step towards maybe finding what they want.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Howdy Alicia!

      Yeah, these incels are pretty insistent that they have a problem, but they’ve ID’ed the wrong problem. Their problem is with intimacy, and they use motivated reasoning to help them maintain their problem and focus on their bankrupt solution. Most of us aren’t tens, but we’re pretty darn happy in our relationships. These guys piss me off, too. Instead of availing themselves of the solutions that are out there — therapy anyone? — they piss and moan and make ridiculous demands.



  3. Women are mentally turned on by something in your behavior rather than physical appearance. Women are all different, just as men are all different. If you’re a man just look at all the different types of men you know in the workplace and and the varied interests they have. Women are the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Howdy Jerry!

      I believe you’re right. This is far more about motivated reasoning, a lack of social skill, and zero-degrees of empathy. But, this ain’t about these guys not having girlfriends because girlfriends ain’t what they want.



  4. “Everybody lies about sex.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

    We can definitely add to this, “especially TV, movies, and porn”.
    Those who believe what they see about sex on their screens are bound to be unhappy, even those who would seem qualified to be “Chads”. Its all fantasy there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heinlein said that?!? And, here I was thinking it was Freud… or Gandhi. Heinlein. Hrmpf.

      But, yes, when your point of departure is what you see in the media your adjustment to reality is bound to be way off. But, I don’t think these guys are really wanting what they say they’re wanting. I don’t think they want girlfriends or sex. I think they want to sit on a pity pot and be spoon fed. Others, want an excuse to rape and pillage. Luckily, the latter are small in number.


      Liked by 1 person

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