So, I guess, y’all know there’s this impeachment thingee going on now. You must. It’s on all the TVs. There’s people talking about the Ol’ Pussy Grabber saying that he wants all the quid for their pro. It’s quo, as the kids like to say nowadays. I mean, after reading all the call “transcripts” of the quid pro quo calls with the president of Ukraine — I rue the day that they changed that from the Ukraine. Who wouldn’t want to be known as the Ukraine? It’s so cool! But, whatev. It’s Ukraine’s name; they get to decide what it is, I guess. Although, I’m totally down with Kyiv, pronounced as one syllable, Keev — like, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber totally grabbing Ukraine by the pussy and whispering his sweet, We want a favor, though, into its ear followed by a warm, wet, heaping helping of orange tongue snaking all the wax outta that hole after the Zelens asks about his javelin missiles — fun fact, the dispersal of those missiles is conditioned on the of the javelin anti-tank missiles NOT being fired at Russian tanks.

There is a huge partisan divide on impeachment both in the Congress and among the American public. FiveThirtyEight reports some interesting and somewhat alarming polling statistics in Most Americans Think Trump [sic] Committed an Impeachable Offense. Have a gander and think about this one:

I guess the bottle of bourbon is half-full view of this result is that almost 20% of Repubes — that’s a fifth for all of you not doing math today — think the Ukraine thingee is impeachable and 56% of e’er’body think so. My rough math makes it to be about 20% of the disinterested disaffected disappointing “independent” voters support impeachment. Put another way, these numbers have no place to go but up provided the Dems keep doing the terrific job of questioning and releasing a steady drip drip drip of “yeap, the mo’fo’ sure ’nuff did it,” like they’ve been doing.

Contrast this specific poll with their average of all polls on the matter, though: 46.3% of Americans support impeachment versus 45.6% don’t. Now, if you’re like me, this one leaves you scratching your ass and wondering why your fingers don’t stink more. What is wrong with people? Haven’t we learned that when someone tells you who they are, you should believe them? Ain’t the Ol’ Pussy Grabber been shouting in steadily increasing hysteria for the past four years that he’s one corrupt orange mo’fo’ and needs to be impeached? Ain’t his entire time in office just been a cry for help? Are we, as a country, listening? It don’t seem like it.

This here post is the first installment of a three parter in which this phenomenon is psysplained. Keep an eye out for the other two, I should have them up in a week or so. I hope they’re still relevant by the time I post them.

We’ll launch this psysplainer by first considering the three questions that the Ipsos/FiveThirtyEight poll asked because they were interesting and worthy of our consideration. Check out the shifting partisan disagreement as the question inches closer to holding the Ol’ Pussy Grabber accountable for trying to shake down the Ukrainians. Now, remember, these is real live red-blooded Americans they are asking, not some vodka-soaked America-hating Russians.

Did Trump [sic] ask the gov’t o’ Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden and his son?

Clearly a vast majority of everybody agrees that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber up and did it! Even two-thirds of the Repubes that stagger among us believe that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber was leaning on the Zelens to interfere in the 2020 election like the Russians did in 2016. But, when you get to, Were it wrong fer him to have done it? well, now, pardner, that there is a zebra of a different stripe (There are a handful of different striped zebras out there, too, you know). And, then, if you ask, Were it an impeachable offense? You get the Coors Lite spewed threw the nose, Hell, no, it ain’t neither an impeachable offense!

Did Trump [sic] withhold military aid from Ukraine unless it agree to investigate the Bidens?

The gaslighting begins with did the Ol’ Pussy Grabber do what he said he did and withhold nearly $400 million in military aid that he had no legal grounds to stop the disbursement of in the first place. And, as an aside, don’t it make you angry when the Repube talking heads pop up on the TV for an interview and claim that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber was only holding up the aid for some wisp of a reason, and the interviewer don’t say, There was no legal way that he could stop the aid! Ordering the aid held was itself an illegal act! Fucking media.

Dems hold strong and agree that he did what he said he did and numerous witnesses have attested to him doing because we know that the way to beat gaslighting is to stare fixedly at the truth. Surprisingly a quarter of the Repubes have beat gaslighting, too! But, we’re back to the roughly 20% of the disaffected, disinterested, distant “independent” voter believing it, which means that the percentage drop from the 77% who believe he asked for the investigations to the 56% who believe that he conditioned the military aid on the investigations consists mostly of gaslit barely coherent and breathing independent voters who can’t be bothered to pay close enough attention to resist the fire hose of gaslighting that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber and every Repube in Congress is currently pumping out of their white hairless fat asses as fast as they can. But, by adding the conditional if it happened, those numbers bounce back up. Between gaslit “independent” and average Repube voter, it is proof positive that we are the United Fucking States of Fucking Stupid.

Did Trump [sic] and his admin attempt to cover up his actions regarding Ukraine?

Did Nixon and Watergate and Reagan and Iran-Contra not teach us nothing? It is always the cover-up that bites you in the ass… oh wait, Reagan wasn’t impeached for his criminal scheme to circumvent US law and fund the Contras by selling arms to the people who held US diplomats hostage and then swung a deal with Reagan to release them after his election and the unfreezing of their US assets, and Poppy Bush making the whole thing go away by pardoning ever’body under the tutilage of none other than AG Bill Barr-the-Door 1.0. And ever’body said he would be a “good” AG under the Ol’ Pussy Grabber — why the fuck is it that only progressive seem to remember our history?

So, maybe that is the problem — see this here is explanation number one. After we didn’t impeach Reagan and Poppy for Iran-Contra and W for illegal wars and war crimes, maybe we learned that presidents can do whatever the fuck they want as long as they ain’t Dems lying about all the oraling of the sexes they get in the Oval Office. Seriously, only 59% believe covering up your actions from Congressional investigations is impeachable? We really are the United Fucking States of Fucking Stupid. We may as well surrender to the Russians now.

We’ve been slowly allowing our democratic ideals and norms to erode into authoritarianism since Nixon. The Repubes in studying on the Nixon impeachment scandal thingee realized that as long as their was confusion about the facts then they could convince jus’ enough of the American people to keep them in office long enough to gerrymander and voter suppress and electoral college and senate their way to a permanent majority and they would never have to lose an election and by extension never have another judge overturn a policy or law again. And, then our democracy would be perfect because god’s people — MoscowMitch et al — would be maintained in office for ever and ever amen.

You should notice that with each passing Repube presidential impeachable offense our political intercourse has grown less orgasmic and more assaulty as in “lay back and enjoy it” to keep the sex metaphor going. Is it any wonder that the “independent” voter has opted for the dissociation common to trauma survivors and the semi-permanent numbing that self-absorbed mass consumer consumption can bring? To jump into the political fray now is like deciding to follow world soccer or classical music or jazz or something: there are a lot of moving parts to sort out and it is just too damn much trouble. It’s easier to stick to American football and top 40 pop, right?

Without the dissociated PTSD’d “iNdEpEnDeNt” voter getting on board with impeachment and voting Dem to stop the Repube authoritarian juggernaut, this time next year, we won’t have a democracy. We’ll have the hollowed out shell of a democracy with a single-party pseudo-democratic authoritarian regime living inside it transferring the wealth of the country to the one percent as fast as it possibly can just like they have in Russia.