Thanks to First Dog on the Moon we have this media “quiz” to take that is for pure entertainment purposes only and won’t tell you anything about the despair you feel churning deep in your soul, but it is snarky and sarcasticky; however, it isn’t profaney. Well, fuck, I guess Ye Olde Blogge will just have to make up for that load of worthless shyte by adding some.

The Are You Having An Existential Crisis Quiz

Instructions and Disclaimers and Stuff

Remember kids: Answer A, B, C or D to test your mental wellbeing. Sign up here to get an email (it takes you to The Guardian, just in case you don’t want to go there) whenever First Dog cartoons are published. Get all your needs met at the First Dog shop if what you need is First Dog merchandise and prints, which you do!

Here follow this link to take the “quiz” on The Guardian website page!

It’s all in good fucking jolly snarky, sarcasticky, and, now, thanks to Ye Olde Blogge, profaney fun like all the kids are having these days. It really doesn’t tell you anything about how your soul is slowly leaking out through the hole that our fascinating modern age has burned into your heart by reducing us all to endlessly chasing likes, comments, and shares on our social media platforms and experiencing the world through our electronic devices rather than in person out-of-doors. You can, however, share your despondant disenchantment in our comments section not that that will help any at all but it will improve Ye Olde Blogge’s comment count and that’s gotta mean something, right?

Don’t start until you have your paper and pen or pencil at the ready… and no cheating! (Explanation of obscure Australian references at the end).

The Quiz (No really, it’s the actual quiz. This is what it looks like)

Explanation of Obscure Australian References

• In question one, response a, it reads, I haven’t and I shan’t. They mean, I haven’t and I won’t. Isn’t Australian English so archaic and quaint and stuff?
• In question two, response c, it reads, I would except daisie (a weed) all burned in the fires and that cloud is a pyrocumulonimbus. The fires refer to one of the first signs of the apocolypse that occurred in January of 2020, the horrific Australian wildfires that burned through the country. Pyrocumulonimbus is a type of cloud that wildfires can produce in the upper troposphere and lower stratosphere which produce lightening. We’re currently seeing them appear in the Western US and Canada due to our own horrific wildfires.
• In question two, response d, it reads, I want to be a pademelon. A pademelon is a teeny tiny kangaroo-looking criter. That is a marsupial, so it carries its young in a pouch, you know, like kangaroos do. It is the smallest of the Macropodidae family but only considered a small to mid-sized marsupial.
• Question three reads, Does Nick Kyrgios make you mad? Apparently Nick Kyrgios is a professional Australian tennis player who was ranked as high as 60th in the world as of June 2021. He played at Wimbeldon this year where he lost; otherwise, we’d know a lot more about him. Maybe it is his being mixed race that might lead to this question?
• In question six, response b, it reads, No wait it’s Barnaby Joyce it’s okay to call the police. Apparently, Barnaby Joyce is the leader of the National Party of Australian and Deputy Prime Minister. They are popular in the rural grazing lands of the country. Given that the government is conservative and they call themselves the Nationals, I’m guessing they trend towards the right maybe even fascistic in today’s political environment. Anywho, back in June he was seen paying for petrol (the archaic quaint Britishism that they use to me gas) sans mask and was fined $200.00 for it. Don’t worry that is Australian dollars, not real money, only about $149.71 at today’s exchange rate.
• In question six, response c, it reads, I am a carceral feminist porque no los dos. First, carceral feminist is not an Australianism. Carceral simply is the adjectival form of incarceratoin meaning to through some dumbass into prison, so carceral feminism means that you advocate for harsh prison sentences for people who commit crimes against women. It is somewhat controversial, but some believe that it will help discourage crime against women. And, second, porque no los dos is Spanish — not Australian — for why not both?
• The last panel reads, in part, Let’s all try and be kind to each other fossil fuel executives. This is a type of Australian joke and is not in anyway shape or form advocating for the physical, mental, or emotional harm to be committed against real live human beings — yes fossil fuel executives are real live human beings — no matter how despicable they are and how longlasting devasting harm they cause the planet and all living beings on it in pursuit of their own shortsighted self-serving entitled goals. Apparently disparagement humor is still a thing there.

Well, there you have it. The whole hilarious snarky sarcasticky cartoon with some profaney bits added in just to round it all out and the explanations and disclaimers.

In for a nickel, in for a dime, so go ahead make my day and leave me a breadcrumb or two!

• Leave a comment discussing your answers to the quiz or discovery of the quaint useful Australianisms and other fun facts the quiz brought out.
• Like the entire post because it is just so dern likeable (just below here).
• Give it a five-star rating (up at the top under the title) because it is so dern five-starable.
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Image Attribution

“Troll Squad (First Dog On The Moon)” by Daniel Bowen is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0