So, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber sat brooding on his bed watching the yammering heads on Fox and grabbed hisself an idea by the pussy! He figgered it was high time to start his long promised trade war with China and show ever’one just how tough and smart a negotiator he is. After all, his daddy bought him an undergraduate degree from the prestigious Wharton School of Business, so he must be the smartesstest business that ever was, right? It’s jus’ logic.
As the story goes during his executive rage tme, he watched all the foxing on the heads on the TVs and he squeezed his hard rigid tweeter in his stubby chubbies and managed to levy $50 billion dollars worth of tariffs on Chinese goods. That would learn those Chinese who was the bestest business and negotiate in the history of human kind.
Only, a funny thing happened on his taking a lap around victory square in his golf cart. The Chinese placed their own levies on goods that would total up to about $50 billion dollars, too. And, not just on some random shitty goods produced by the liberals from California and New York, but on SOYBEANS! Why it was as if the Chinese knew that of the ten largest soybean producing states eight had voted for the Ol’ Pussy Grabber. And, it is as if they knew that with all kinda federal and local elections happening in November in THOSE very states, it would hurt the Ol’ Pussy Grabber, politically!
Golly gee, who coulda predicted that? Well, no one, that’s who. Everyone says so. So, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber stamped his widdle feet and shook his widdle fists at the Fox TV and shouted his wee shouts about how UNFAIR it all was! Unfair, I tell you! Those Chinese shoulda seen his very stable genius and run scared like everyone else he’s ever dealt with in the business world.
And to think, he was so nice to that president-for-life Xi after he promoted himself to president-for-life and the Ol’ Pussy Grabber even said he might consider being president-for-life his ownself.
His right good stable genius brain farted again, and he was heard to say, Rather than remedy its misconduct, China has chosen to harm our farmers and manufacturers. And, he the Ol’ Pussy Grabber had no choice, but to squeeze that Chinese pussy even harder! And, he assumed his best presidenting voice and issued instructions to his U.S. Trade Representative — do the Chinese have a US trade representative? I don’t think so! — one Robert Lighthizer, to cypher out $100 billion more dollars of tariffs! And $100 billion dollars is very big number, so surely that would send those ding-dang-dumb Chinese arunning scared.
And, do you know, that Repube, not Democrats, but Repubes! Repubes from states that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber wonned by the widest margins any one ever won an election by, are saying things like it would hurt the people of their state! How could these ingrates be worried about the people — pah! — of their states when the Ol’ Pussy Grabber was doing all the stable geniusing all over the place!
And, now, that mean Repube Senator Ben Sasse said that tariffs were the dumbest possible way to address the trade imbalance with China. He wasn’t done there, either! He’s threatening to light American agriculture on fire. Let’s absolutely take on Chinese bad behavior, but with a plan that punishes them instead of us. This is the dumbest possible way to do this.
So, let’s hold on just a ding-dang-dong minute here. Can we psysplain any of this? We sure look like we’re headed for a fucking disaster of a truly grand proportion.
First, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber’s tariffs and other trade war talk is the result of groupthink with the predicted disastrous results. As explained in The Existential Threat of the GOP’s Groupthink and Nascent Dehumanization there are several qualities that make groupthink more likely to occur. Let’s look at them here.
For those of us who might not know, groupthink is how otherwise rational intelligent people make really stupid ill-advised decisions because they didn’t consider alternatives or consequences or morality or nothing. And, given the incredible stability of the Ol’ Pussy Grabber’s sheer genius and all the sycophantically sycophantic aides he’s systematically replacing any and all competent staff with, he surely wouldn’t make really stupid ill-advised decisions, would he?
Well, he certainly has succeeded in surrounding himself in a homogeneous group of sycophants fulfilling the criteria of a highly cohesive group. His group of advisors is only seeking to curry favor and stab all the others in the back, so they ain’t going to disagree with him.
He believes that there ain’t nothing Jared Kushner can’t do, and all of his other sycophantic aides are equally cocksure of themselves having been raised on Repube bullshit propaganda and conspiracy theories. So, we’re safe in saying that there ain’t no single expert anywhere near the White House these days, so he is isolated from expert advice.
The Ol’ Pussy Grabber and his merry band of idiots all knowed they is the veriest bestest that this here great country has to offer otherwise they wouldn’t be there, now would they? So, everything they squeeze out of they asses has to be the bestest, right? It is only logic! So, they don’t need to go searching for much less appraising information. And, when it is offered, it is soundly ignored:
This is a slippery slope, so my hope is that this will stop before it gets into a broader tit-for-tat that can’t be good for our country, Senate Majority Leader, McConnell. Pshaw! What would Mitch McConnell know? And, when McConnell is offering the soundest advice of anyone, you know you’re fucked.
The Administration knew that if it imposed tariffs on Chinese goods, China would retaliate against U.S. agriculture. Today shows that’s exactly what happened, Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and Grassley certainly knows a government subsidy and soybean lobby money when he sees it.
He was warned. He was given an explanation. Nevertheless, he persisted Amirite?
The Ol’ Pussy Grabber is under incredible stress what with Mueller’s probe, Scott fucking Pruitt, Jared’s building fiasco, scandal and crisis everywhere. His whole admin is under extreme stress with all the backstabbing, uncertainty, understaffing, and inexperience. This is a pressure cooker cooking away towards an ugly explosion.
Low self-esteem. In they heart-of-hearts every single conspiracy theory repeating personality disorder on the WH staff knows they is there cuz ain’t no one else want to be there. And, those that are figgering it is time to get out are finding that there ain’t no out out there. All they’s esteems is lower than low.
And for the grande finale, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber knows he’s right and he ain’t interested in hearing nothing about nothing else. You can’t dissuade him, so why jeopardize yourself further by trying?
And there we have the perfect storm of groupthink and a clear demonstration of how shitty decisions are made and we all get fucked over by them.
But, the shit don’t all stink! This trade war over soybeans might could be the the straw that starts to peel away Congressional support from the Ol’ Pussy Grabber. This is language that the senators and representatives from the soybean producing states understand. And, more importantly, their constituents understand and their constituents will let them know about. Check this soybean map from Bloomberg:
Can you say Iowa, North Dakota, Indiana, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, and Ohio? I thought you could. He starts losing them gals and fellas in the Congress, we could be looking at August 1974 all over again.